Fatherless Children...An American Epidemic

I recently caught up on a series on Oprah's "Life Class" recently featured on her OWN Network.  Bishop T.D. Jakes lead the class in a serious discussion about fatherless children.  Oprah revealed a surprising statistic that 1 in 3 children in America are fatherless.  It is because this very reason why I referred to this occurrence as an "epidemic" in the title of this post.  The urban community knows all too well the reality of growing up fatherless.  I endured 6 years of my adolescence without my father present so I know what it feels like to not have your father in your life.  Fortunately, my father came back and fought for me and our relationship and today I can say I am very happy with the relationship we currently have.  Unfortunately, many others aren't so lucky.  One of the most beautiful parts about the series is the understanding that it is never too late to develop a father-child relationship, no matter what you've been through.

We only have one father in this life and often times, negative circumstances get in the way of us enjoying positive and fruitful relationships with our fathers.  I've written before about fatherless children and the painful dynamics that this experience can create in one's life on this blog: Where's Daddy?.  Bishop T.D. Jakes pinpointed several things that I think might help my @BornTooBlog readers in this situation. 

Jakes made sure to impress the importance of understanding that like the fatherless children, their fathers have more than likely experienced some kind of trauma or lack of in their lives concerning their own parents.  Many times when you look at fathers who aren't present in their children's lives, if you dig deeper, you find a man that did not have a father or who's father was abusive or had a negative impact on them in some way.  Jakes explained that realizing this as a child can help facilitate understanding among both parties and can actually lessen the guilt of the absentee father.  He calls this "understanding the wounds of your father".

"I think once we let go of our ideas, our fantasies of what things could have been like and embrace what they are like, it gives both the father and the son a feeling of being accepted for where I am."

- Bishop Jakes

 



Jakes also emphasized that once you do gain the courage as an absentee father to reenter your child's life in an effort to rebuild that broken relationship, you must "court your child" by establishing a foundation for your love and respect to grow on.  I hear too many times that fathers who weren't there in the beginning come back trying to discipline their children off the bat or never even address the issues that led to their absence prior to trying to reestablish a relationship.  This can often create further resentment and stop the reconciliation efforts in their tracks.  Although the entire experience can be frightening to a father that is trying to reconnect with his children, the children are often just as afraid of rejection as their absent fathers.  So now we have common fears, emotions and quite possibly, a shared childhood experience that can facilitate growth and understanding.

"The father has to create a floor for the son's love to stand on because he and his son don't share the strong foundation of memories father-son relationships require."

"Parenting is something that doesn't come with a textbook. You learn as you go. And I think sometimes we're so afraid that we're not going to do it right that we don't do it at all."

- Bishop Jakes



I've written previously on how some mothers use their children as bargaining tools or as T.D. Jakes calls it, a "switch" to abuse the father with.  Jakes further pointed out that when you use a "switch" to hit someone with, the switch (aka the child) gets broken and wore down in the process as well.  I always told myself that if I had a child and me and the father were no longer together that I would never stop him from seeing our child because he was unable or unwilling to pay child support.  I made this commitment to myself because it is very rare that I hear children complain about their relationships with their fathers due to lack of financial support.  What I hear the most is usually a child reliving the pain of their parent(s) not being there as a support system when it comes to school, sporting events or momentous occasions in a child's life like graduation, the birth of a child, and so on. Jakes encouraged all fatherless children to "leave the door open" for their fathers should they gain the courage to come back into their child's life.

Ultimately, it takes a lot of dedication, determination and communication in order to build/rebuild the trust and bond between a father that was once absent and the child they left behind.  However, if we are only blessed with one mother and one father, what could it hurt to try and reconcile and build a relationship when given the ability and chance?  Children must learn to forgive and open themselves up to allow the process to begin and fathers must take the first step and keeping making steps towards resolution.  Mothers must be a positive support system that helps facilitate the process and should never deter their children from reconnecting with their fathers unless they are a threat to their well being.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a fatherless child?
Is the father of your child absent in your child's life?
Are you a father who has attempted to reconnect with your child?  What has been the most difficult issue to overcome?
Are you a fatherless child success story?  What helped you and your father or you and your child reconnect against all odds?

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Its Been A Long Time...I Shouldn't Have Left You!!!

What can I say!?!?!?! Writers block is a motha. I always wrote from personal inspiration and I just haven't been inspired to write like I did before. Call it burn out, writers block, whatever you want, but the reality is its been too long since I wrote something and shared my views with you all. So many things have been happening from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta to Basketball Wives, Kendrick Lamar and his all-coastal beef with his Hip Hop counterparts to Jay-z's Magna Carta to Kanye's new album *confused look*.

One of the major things that I noticed during my hiatus were some of my predictions on old posts that became reality in recent months. For instance, I recall making a post about the possibility of West Coast Hip Hop music making a comeback back in 2011, and more specifically, the mention of a certain artist by the name of Problem that was next to blow. Well, here we are in 2013 and Problem is on every song with your favorite rapper AND West Coast music is now back at the forefront of Hip Hop music: Can West Coast Hip Hop Make A Comeback?

Speaking of West Coast Hip Hop, a good friend of mine, Shannon Page, helped me with a music review on Kendrick Lamar's, "Good Kid, m.A.A.d City", which at the time was not as revered as it is today. Lamar's album was met with plenty of naysayers and skepticism, but dare I say it, the album has been catapulted to "classic status" by the Hip Hop world's elite taste makers. What a difference a couple years makes: Music Review: Kendrick Lamar's "good kid, m.A.A.d city".  I'm still waiting for the world to catch up with new artists I've featured on the blog such as Luke James and Daley: Who Is Luke James?, Music Monday: Daley: Alone Together Feat. Marsha Ambrosius. While BornTooBlog featured artists like J. Cole and Frank Ocean have seen mainstream success since they graced the electronic pages of my blog back in 2011: J. Cole: Next To Blow?, Who Is Frank Ocean?

Relationships have always been a pivotal part of BornTooBlog and believe me, there will be many posts to come touching on this HOT topic. There have been too many breakups, makeups, divorces, reconciliations, failed rehab attempts and newborn babies for me not to. As always, I welcome any constructive feedback and I look forward to reconnecting with my BornTooBlog readers in a profound way before the close of 2013.

Questions for my BornTooBlog readers:
Which topics did you enjoy most on the blog?
What do you miss most about BornTooBlog?
What topics would you most like to see in the near future?
What posts do you enjoy the least?

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Evelyn Lozada Breaks Her Silence on Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix My Life"

Oprah has faced some hardships since she shut down the Oprah Winfrey Talk Show and started her own network called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) on cable TV, but she is slowly starting to build up steam for the relatively new network with exclusive interviews with the likes of Rihanna, Usher, Jennifer Hudson and more.  Her new show featuring life coach guru Iyanla Vanzant has also made major waves featuring the exclusive interview with Evelyn Lozada, Basketball Wives Miami reality star and estranged wife of Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson via Vanzant's show on OWN called "Fix My Life".

The irony of it all is that Lozada initially agreed to appear on the show to "fix her life" prior to her domestic violence incident with her husband, in an effort to shun her bad girl image that she not only gets paid to portray on Basketball Wives, but has garnered a book deal and hefty appearance fees for the reality star.  After receiving backlash from the public and well known celebrities like Star Jones, Lozada finally realized that she did not want to be seen as the angry Latina woman that had originally created her stardom and celebrity, citing that her "ah ha" moment was when her step daughters mocked and idolized her violent actions on Basketball Wives.  Lozada was determined to turn a corner and show the true her, get past her fears, pain and regret, and move forward to a healthier and more peaceful life.

In the first episode of the show, Iyanla delved deep into Evelyn's childhood and got to the core of her pain, rage and anger that often is seen played out on TV for all to see.  Iyanla wanted to help her find her inner child that was still hurting from being rejected by her father.  Iyanla was surprised to see that her husband, Chad Johnson, was not present for the interview although he had committed to being there.  This was a red flag for Iyanla and she quickly proclaimed that in regards to her marriage, that Lozada was, "in trouble".  With Vanzant somehow foreseeing the future, she later heard the news with the rest of the world that Evelyn and Chad had been involved in a domestic dispute which allegedly involved Evelyn being headbutted by Chad, requiring Evelyn to get stitches in her forehead.

After the alleged headbutting incident, Evelyn has since filed for divorce and says she has not spoken to Chad.  The second part of the segment was recorded after the incident and Iyanla had somewhat of a "I told you so" vibe, while letting Evelyn once again, dig deep into her inner self to determine how she got to this point.  I was so proud of Evelyn for her courage to want to change and her honesty throughout the process.  Evelyn showed her vulnerability as she constantly shed tears while consistently confronting her past, present and future.

Seeing Lozada in this light really changed my views on her and I have never seen her look more beautiful and endearing.  Lozada and Vanzant ultimately determined that her anger and rage stemmed from her abandonment as a child by her father and her dealings with men (promiscuity, low self esteem and teenage pregnancy) were also bi-products of this still open wound.  Vanzant urged Lozada to discover who she truly was without the high profile marriage, hit reality show and closet full of Louboutins and the exchange was incredibly moving and inspiring.

I wish Evelyn Lozada the best on her journey to set an example for young girls, as the truly strong and beautiful woman that she is and hope that she finds her true calling, as she acknowledged that, "its not to act a fool on TV".  To say that this show made me look into myself for similar answers to the ills that plague me would be an understatement.  The show is definitely something I'll watch in the future as I believe I can learn and grow from the courageous stories of others.

Here is some video footage of the exchange between Lozada and Vanzant on "Fix My Life":

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Did you watch the two part segment of Lozada on Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix My Life"?
Do you now have a different perception of Evelyn Lozada, the "bad girl" on Basketball Wives?
Do you have "daddy issues" stemming from abandonment as a child?
Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse?
Does her courage and honesty inspire you to tackle some heavy issues in your own life?

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Season Finale

I know we are all heartbroken to see our favorite reality smash hit of the summer go, seemingly just as quick as it came.  It seems as though we were just getting to know the standout characters Stevie J, Scrappy, Mimi, Joseline, and K. Michelle, but the season has now come to a close and the only thing us fans have left is the reunion show that will be airing shortly.  These castmates have been taken through a whirlwind to say the least.

When the show first aired everyone seemed to hate Joseline and Stevie J and were feeling sorry for Mimi.  Now that the season has ended, perceptions and views have changed with bad boy Stevie winning the hearts of many men and women throughout the country.  Now don't get me wrong, Stevie is definitely not the type of character I would look to have a relationship with, but you gotta admit that the guy has personality and a strong magnetism.  I see the fellas on Twitter and Facebook every Monday chanting "Stevie J for President".  He is clearly a favorite amongst the bad boy/misogynistic minded men who have grown to love his swag and confidence, as well as, his ability to attract women and keep them coming back.  Contrary to the masses first feeling sorry for Mimi Faust, we are now somewhat "over" her victim role and I think in the end we might all agree that she is doing this to herself.

Karlie Redd and Benzino were definitely entertaining to watch.  To see Benzino, the alleged misogynist/lady killer show his soft, loving side was definitely an endearing surprise.  Karlie Redd seems like the only one losing in this situation as we have yet to hear any material from her or see her face outside of Vh1.  I think we're all wondering why is this chick so career-centered when no one has ever heard from her or seen her outside of the show.  It might be time to focus on other things than that career boo boo!

Lil' Scrappy and Erica have been through a lot, but I give them credit for airing out their feelings and differences with one another for the betterment of their child, Imani.  Mama Dee needs to permanently take a seat with her no spelling self, "B-I-C-T-H...and in that order". *sigh*  Her meddling and immature/ghetto advice to her son seems to have only hurt his chances at finding true love, which deep down, I think Scrappy really wants.  I won't cloud this season finale post with spoilers from blog sites speaking on what's going to happen on the reunion, but I'm sure we'll all be surprised to see what becomes of this couple.

Rasheeda and her husband Kirk have also been through a lot this season and I'm happy to see them renewing their vows and making the pledge to stay together no matter what in the end of the season.  I wish Rasheeda the best in her career and marriage and I still can't wait to hear her song, "Put it on 'em, make him wanna marry me" on the airwaves.  These two seem to have come out stronger than when they entered and hopefully they will achieve their goals of making Rasheeda a star.

K. Michelle really needs to stop crying and move forward.  I understand that it's probably very difficult to be in the public eye and your alleged abuser has moved on to a new woman and family and continues to deny your domestic violence reports, but what she needs to understand is the fans want to know who she is!!! Not the battered woman, nor the new artist that got screwed out of her deal, but a woman that is resilient, strong, and will fight for what she deserves and wants.  Like she said on the finale, "No more tears".

I can't lie, Joseline Hernandez' personality and swag has continued to grow on me since the beginning.  The girl has the gift of gab and an undrainable source of confidence and perseverance.  If she plays her cards right she might actually achieve her goal of never going back to the strip club.  Fans are still wondering if her and Stevie can put the b.s. aside and just work together, professionally.  Lets just say they both have their work cut out for them.

I don't know about my BornTooBlog readers, but I can't wait to see the finale and the tomfoolery that is sure to ensue.  I must give a big shout out to Mona Scott-Young for giving us our ratchet guilty pleasure and something to talk about throughout the summer.  The Love & Hip Hop Atlanta cast have definitely made a name for themselves in such a short time.  Now the challenge is to keep the fire going and to solidify themselves as genuine actors/celebrities/artists.  Only time will tell if this cast will revisit our homes, radio stations, social networks and give us more drama to laugh, talk and shake our heads to.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you happy with how things ended in the finale between Stevie J and Mimi?
Do you think Karlie Redd and Benzino were good for each other?
Do you think Lil' Scrappy and Erica can make it work for the sake of their child?
Have your views on Joseline Hernandez changed throughout the season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta?
Should K. Michelle move on from the alleged abuse and focus more on her career?
Does Rasheeda have real potential as a music star if her husband Kirk backs off of her career?

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Therapy

Well, Mona Scott-Young has brought us the juiciest reality show known to man and it is quickly becoming America's favorite guilty pleasure viewing choice.  Last night's episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was outrageous, touching, intriguing and a *side eye* factor all at the same damn time.  We saw Mimi and Stevie J attempt to bring some sanity to their interactions by speaking to a clinical psychologist.  Although he is the therapist from the infamous Maury Povich daytime talk show, he quickly got to the core of Mimi and Stevie's issues and helped them open up about their pasts.  Knowing now that Stevie J was abandoned by his mother at birth sheds a lot of light as to his faulty dealings with the women in his life and Mimi's Mommy issues also lend to her need to keep Stevie J around.  I'm proud to see Vh1 showing the importance of therapy in this positive light and how it can help heal open wounds.  More couples should be as brave and courageous as Stevie and Mimi...kudos to them.

Scrappy was up to his old shady ways trying to plan and plot a strategy to get off child support.  I understand many young males of color don't like the system/government in their "business", but why is there a need to pay for expensive lawyers if you're planning on paying the child support anyway?  Sounds kind of backwards to me, but I hope him and Erica figure it out.  Although Side Chick Buckey (from Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love dating show) is conniving and ratchet, she has a little bit of sense and may be able to help guide Scrappy to the right course of action.

Joseline aka The Side Chick is quickly claiming her personal power and slowly cutting the strong ties that Stevie J bonds her with.  Sleazy, I mean, Stevie J is quick to always remind her that he will exile her from the music industry and send her packing all her thongs, back to the strip club, but his threats are starting to wear thin on the poor child.  I'm not sure how the season will end between Joseline and her "man-ager", but Lord knows something needs to change.

Benzino and Karlie Redd are just too much and I am really trying to figure out if this is a publicity stunt on both sides to improve their images.  Visions of Benzino figuratively running through The Source magazine offices smacking ass and going under skirts comes to mind (this is not fact), but he now is showing his soft and human side while around Karlie as he spoils her and lavishes her with gifts and attention.  I really can't be mad at the brother though; He's very charming and convincing.

At times I think that Mimi, Stevie, Joseline, Karlie and K. Michelle, who is such a talented artist, are all just great actors, but then I realize that Love & Hip Hop is so ratchet, ignorant, hilarious, addicting and ridiculous that I think to myself, you just can't write stuff like this. 

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Who is your favorite character on LHHATL and why?
Do you feel bad for Mimi?
Does Karlie Redd seem sincere?
Who do you dislike the most on the show?

Relationships: Is He Your Type or the Marrying Type?

Too often I find myself attracted to a certain "type" of guy.  My type of guy has swag, style, confidence, charm, etc.  Much more often, I find that relationships with my "type" of man never work out because they usually have many ladies that are fighting for their affection and trust me, I will never fight over a man.  Much further beyond competition is the fact that my type is usually not the settling down kind.

What I'm coming to realize is that for as long as I can remember, my type of guy was only able to fill a temporary void when it came to relationships and never seemed to stick around for the long haul.  Nor were they capable of having a real relationship equipped with ups and downs, growth and sustainability. 

Now I find myself almost 32 years old and single....again! I am now forced to reevaluate the thinking and choices that got me where I am today.  My conclusion is that I've always been attracted to the wrong type of guys.  A six pack and big muscles won't hold you tight at night, nor will it calm your fears and support you through thick and thin.  I am now redefining my type to include qualities that don't address physical attributes, such as a willingness to settle down, build a foundation and start a family.  Other qualities that I am now more keenly focused on are commitment, trust, loyalty and honesty.

People always say you can have it all, but I constantly wonder if that is really the case.  Most of my peers that are getting married seem to have the right idea about what the "marrying type" is.  I do want to get married eventually and possibly have kids and I realize now that my "type" isn't the "marrying type".  I'm ready to shed past hurts, disappointments and misconceptions to find the love that I truly want and deserve.  I am a work in progress, but now I feel I am progressing in the right direction towards the goals I want to achieve in my life.  So I'm saying goodbye to my "type" and hello to the "marrying type".  This will take time and lots of self reflection, but I feel now more than ever I am ready to claim my prize of true love and commitment.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
LADIES: Do you find that your "type" of guy is not the "marrying type"?
Do you see similarities in your relationship life as how I have described above?
Do you often feel you get the short end of the stick in love and relationships?
Are you willing to reassess the "type" of man you need instead of the "type" of man you want?

Frank Ocean Out The Closet, Is R&B Ready For A Gay Artist?

I first wrote about Frank Ocean around this time last year after hearing his mixtape Nostalgia, Ultra that introduced us to an introspective, yet forthcoming new artist that was gifted with the skill of writing and evoking romantic emotion that is often unheard of from artists his age; He's only 25.  The subject matter that he displays through his songs are not only thought provoking, but wildly uncommon in this day and age of music that seems to focus solely on party and bullshit.

Ocean recently came out of the closet (acknowledging his love for men) by featuring songs on his debut album Channel Orange (released online on July 10th and available in stores next week) that focus on love and loss between two men.  This album comes highly anticipated based off his previous work with Jay-Z, Kanye, and Beyonce, as well as, his own mixtape releases, but has left his current and new fans confused on what to expect next out of the newcomer.

I caught his performance on Jimmy Fallon that aired this past Monday and he sang a love song that he wrote about a man called "Bad Religion".  I wasn't too blown away by the performance, but I thought to myself, is R&B/Hip Hop ready for a gay or possibly, bisexual artist? I've posed this question before in a previous blog titled, "Is Hip Hop Ready For Homosexuality?!?!?!."  Personally, I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear love songs about love shared between two men. I am by no means homophobic and I respect everyone's right to live free of persecution or judgement based off of their sexual preference, however, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to cross that bridge.

Below is video footage of Frank Ocean's performance on Jimmy Fallon:

I'd love to hear from my BornTooBlog readers on this one!!!!

What do you think about the performance?
Are you a fan?
Did you know he was gay/bisexual? Does it matter?
Do you plan on copping the album?
Do you think his coming out will help or hurt his career?

WEIGH IN!!!!!

Do Short Men Have More Confidence Than Tall Men?

I am a tall woman standing approximately 5'11 and I find that I am often greeted and courted by shorter men, much more often than I am by taller men.  You would think that it would be easy for me to find a 6+ footer, but it seems as though all I get approached by is shorter men.  A man recently asked me if short men approach me more than tall men and I definitely told him my experience proved that shorter men approach me more.  I asked him why is that and he explained that shorter men like a challenge.  They like the vote of confidence they get when they can pull or attract a taller woman.  He also explained that tall men don't go after tall women because they are not secure enough within themselves to handle a woman of that stature.  On the contrary, you would think that would be the answer for the shorter guys, right?

I'm sure taller women are used to getting approached by men shorter than them and often hear pickup lines like, "We're all the same height lying down." or "You're a tall glass of water." or even better yet, my favorite, "You're a tall tree that I'd like to climb"...*eye roll*.  More important to me than the actual occurrence is the reason behind it.  Are tall women just trophies that short men use to boost their ego?  Are taller men intimidated by women that stand closer to them in height and would rather date a smaller chick to boost their egos and make them feel like "the man"?

We've seen several cases of this in Hollywood with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, as well as, Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons

All of this ego boosting and opposites attracting is just too much.  Isn't it harder to kiss a guy if he's 6'5 and you're 5'5? Wouldn't shorter guys look better with short women and taller men better with taller women?  In a perfect world I'm sure this would be the norm, but in our society, things seem to be switched when it comes to the extreme sides of this spectrum.  So my question is, are shorter guys really more confident or are they using this lack of confidence to fuel their "Napoleon complex"?  Do taller guys shy away from taller women whom they are not able to dominate as easily as, lets say, a shorter chick?  I want the feedback from the fellas and the ladies on this one, short and tall and everywhere in between!!!! :-)

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a taller chick that always gets approached by shorter dudes?
As a taller man, do you prefer a woman that is much closer to you in height or much shorter?
As a shorter man, do you prefer taller chicks and why?
As a taller woman, would you prefer to date taller guys, but find that there is a shortage of taller men that are attracted to you?
As a taller woman, are you comfortable with dating a guy shorter than you?

Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta

Well, Vh1 has done it again!!! They've come up with another reality guilty pleasure that will surely keep everyone buzzing throughout the summer.  With the recent season finale of Basketball Wives, we have a new set of ratchet wives (I mean girlfriends and side chicks) to laugh at and shake our heads to in Love & Hip Hop's new installment in ATL.  Mona Scott-Young has outdone herself with this cast of ATLiens that are working, loving and fighting their way through the cut throat Atlanta entertainment scene.

The cast has newcomers like Karlie Redd and K. Michelle, that some of you might've heard of and original players like Steve J, "a three-time Grammy Award-Winning producer who has worked with artists such as Diddy, Jay-Z and Mariah Carey, and his longtime girlfriend and mother of his child, Mimi Faust, whom we are just meeting.  Mimi claims her and Stevie have been together for over 15 years, yet, I'm wondering when he had time to be with her because the last time I checked, he and rapper Eve had a longtime love affair.  Things start off with a world wind between these two and I can't help but think how much more juicy its going to get throughout the season (Did you see the highlights?!?!??! Wow!).

There are other familiar faces via ATL born rapper Lil' Scrappy that has worked with the likes of Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz, among many others throughout Atlanta and the mother of his child, Erica Dixon, whom accepted him back after rapper Princess recently broke his heart.  These two seem to be patching things up and are on the road to recovery, while Scrappy's crazy and overprotective mother, whom used to pimp and sell drugs (sigh), has to keep her nose in the business and make sure her son is being well taken care of.  This mother-son-girlfriend dynamic is very reminiscent of Jim Jones' and Chrissy's love triangle with Mama Jones.

Up and coming female rapper Rasheeda and her manager husband, Kirk Frost, seem to have their work cut out for them as they embark on introducing Rasheeda to the world via her new album.  The season opener would not be complete without the fiery Latina rapper, Joseline, whom like Somaya Reese of the 1st edition of Love & Hip Hop, is hungry for her spot in the rap game and will do almost anything to achieve her dreams, which includes, possibly stealing Stevie J away from Mimi.

I already know what you all are thinking: Mimi is a fool, Stevie J is a misogynistic a-hole, Scrappy and Erica are the ride-or-dies who just might make it work, Karlie Redd is messy and K. Michelle is too emotional.  We didn't see much of Rasheeda and her husband Kirk, but I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about in the upcoming episodes.  All in all, this soap opera, drama style of reality TV is just like a train wreck, you can't stand the gruesome and grimy scene, yet you can't take your eyes off it and I'm sure Mona Scott-Young likes it that way.

Check out the cast, photos and clips from the new hit reality show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta here on Vh1:
http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop_atlanta/series.jhtml

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
What do you think about Episode 1 of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta?
Who are your favorite cast members?
Do you think Joseline can make it big?
Will you be watching the entire season?
Who did you like the least?

Men Say They Want A Good Woman, But Chase Bad Girls

I can't tell you how many R&B and Rap songs I've heard where men talk about wanting a "Bad Chick".  Yet, when you sit them down and ask them to evaluate what they really want, they say they want a "Good Woman".  I don't know about you, but it seems to me that some contradictions are going on here.  How can a woman be bad and good at the same time?  Does a woman like this even exist?

Lets first identify what men mean when they use both terms.  How does one describe a "bad bitch"?  What qualities must a woman have to be "bad"?  Well, from my experience, a bad bitch's qualities and value derive mostly from her looks.  She has a flat stomach, big butt, nice thighs and long hair.  Her makeup is always on point, hair and nails did, and she rocks the latest fashions, including status bags (Louis Vuitton, Gucci, etc.) and has a "mean" shoe game.  Yeah, that sounds like a bad bitch to me.  What else can we say about a "bad bitch"? Well, she's independent, has game and knows how to get what she wants.  Yup, that seems about right.

On the contrary, lets take a look at the true meaning behind a "good woman".  A good woman is loyal, respectable, honest, genuine and kind.  She isn't necessarily solely driven by her outer appearance as far as rocking the latest trends or the most expensive "red bottoms" because she is more focused on managing her money properly, pursuing education and/or running her household.  That being said, it doesn't mean that she has to look homely or out of date.  She can still rock the looks that compliment her figure and features and this is what makes her attractive.  Basically, her priorities are straight.  She is a good representation of herself, her man, and her family and she has values and morals that lead her through life with purpose.

If you take a look at both descriptions, they seem to be quite the opposites, however, one man seemingly wants all of these qualities in one woman.  If you ask me, this man who wants his cake and wants to eat it too is misguided and confused.  No wonder there are so many so-called "good men" who can't find a "good woman".  Could it be because his priorities aren't straight or is it that he doesn't even really know what he wants and values or even further, what he needs?

I think to a certain extent music and entertainment have brainwashed many into thinking that the bad bitch is the prize and the ultimate goal of attainment.  The bad bitch is much more of a trophy than the good woman who has the power to add true value to a man's life.  The good woman may not be the baddest, but when did we get so screwed up that the terms "bad" and "good" became the opposite of what they truly represent.

If you ask me, a good balance of both would be optimal, but to find that in a nice pretty package is extremely rare.  So it looks like we are at a standstill; Nudged between what a man wants and what he really needs.  I honestly suggest these men who are stuck in this relationship rut do some real soul searching to determine what they really want/need out of life and further, out of their life partner.  Then maybe, just maybe, we can all meet half way and everyone can be happy with the balance of what they want, need and have.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a man that declares that you want a "bad bitch"?
Are you attracted to bad bitches yet claim you want a "good woman"?
Are you mainly single because you cant find the perfect woman to fit your wants and needs?
Have you ever thought of reevaluating what you want and need out of a relationship?
Do bad bitches always seem to get you in trouble?
Are good women too boring for your lifestyle?

Hip Hop Power Couples I Love

In the past, I have highlighted Power Couples I Love featuring none other than Michelle and Barack Obama, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Seal & Heidi Klum, David and Victoria Beckham and more.  Now, I would like to shed light on the Hip Hop Power Couples I Love.  Its no secret that Hip Hop has pushed its way into the forefront of marketing, entertainment, fashion and media.  Hip Hop is now a multi-billion dollar industry and many of the artists responsible for pushing the envelope and developing it into what it is today are getting older, settling down and having children, and its a beautiful thing.

Take for instance, T.I. and Tiny Harris, one of my favorite Hip Hop Power Couples.  Not only does T.I. have platinum selling artists like B.O.B. on his Grand Hustle music imprint, but he is also finally getting his clothing line, AKOO, off the ground and into major outlets around the country.  Tiny has shown her boss mentality via shows like "Tiny and Toya", one of the highest rated reality TV shows in BET's history, her burgeoning girl group, the OMG Girls, as well as, her nail bar and upcoming ventures.  I have to give props to this couple because in light of police arrests, jail stints and tons of negative PR, they still find time to run their businesses, raise their children and keep things spicy in their relationship, as is evident on their hit reality show T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle.

Next on my list is Jim Jones and his beautiful, yet gangsta fiancé, Chrissy Lampkin.  These two, like T.I. and Tiny, have been together for several years, but have yet to produce any offspring, until now (she's pregnant).  Jim Jones has been working to pick up the pieces of his now defunct rap group, Dipset, has created a clothing line called Vampire Life and is now the star of the hit reality show on VH1, Love & Hip Hop, alongside his partner in crime, Chrissy.  Chrissy is always there to support her man and will literally slap-a-bitch if they come too close or try to disrespect.  While I don't value the violent and aggressive nature in which these two handle personal relations, I do admire their admiration, loyalty and love for one another.  I wish these two luck on their upcoming nuptials and child.

And last, but not least, the third couple on my Hip Hop Power Couples I Love List is Antonia "Toya" Wright and Memphitz.  Toya is Lil' Wayne's ex-wife and is the mother of his first child, Reginae.  But don't think she has let the divorce from Lil' Wayne and his multiple baby mamas slow her down.  To add to her growing resume and NY Times Best Seller, "Priceless Inspirations", she has opened her Garb boutique located in her hometown of New Orleans. Toya is also the star of a couple hit reality shows, including Tiny & Toya and Toya: A Family Affair, which I absolutely love and have featured on BornTooBlog in the past (see Toya Carters' A Family Affair).  Toya is now married to music mogul Mickey "Memphitz" Wright who is the former host of BET's show "The Deal" and is now the Senior Vice President of A&R at Jive Records. Memphitz is known for signing T-Pain to the label and is now mentoring and developing new Hip Hop artists like Key Swag 3000 who has appeared on 106 and Park's Top 10 Countdown.  I love how this couple shuns the outside drama and continues to focus on their marriage and family, as a unit. I'm excited to see what both of them have in store for the future.
 

I wish the best of luck to these couples in love and their future endeavors and hope and pray that 1/3 of them do not end up on my Hollywood Divorce post in a few months like the last edition. LOL

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you look to these Hip Hop Power Couples as inspiration in your love life?
Is there anything that these couples have done publicly that you would never do?
Would you agree to put your relationship on blast on reality TV, if it meant free publicity for your business endeavors?
What do you think will be the secret to their success and longevity? What advice would you give them?

Would You Want To Know If Your Significant Other Was Cheating?

I've spoken about this topic in relationships before, however, this time I am focusing on the open communication involved in relationships.  What does it take for a couple in this day and age to survive infidelity?  It seems as though you hear about new breakups and divorces every week, yet there are still couples that remain together, after all these years.  What is their secret? Do they know something us single people don't? 

As I was watching Basketball Wives last night, Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozado were discussing how they could beat the odds and make their relationship work amongst the gossip blogs, hearsay and just flat out rumors that one was constantly cheating on the other.  Evelyn explained to Chad that she needs him to be open and honest with her.  She stated that she would rather know that he was going to have sex with another woman from him first, before it hit the blogs.  She explained that she is not stupid enough to think that a man of his caliber that is presented with the best pickings of women in the world would not want to stray.  She puts her ego to the back burner and asks him to be honest when he felt the need to dip into another pond. 

Chad then responded by saying that he would also like to bring a lady home to their bedroom every now and then and this would keep him from straying as much.  Lozado then responded by saying that she would have to be attracted to the lady he would like to bring home before anything could jump off.

I have discussed this matter for years with male and female friends alike.  It seems that the only relationships that are intact and thriving are those where either the woman turns a blind eye to his indiscretions or they have an understanding that if and when the man does stray, that he will keep it away from the family and cause no public embarrassment or scrutiny to his spouse.  My frustration in this matter in the past has led me to think that the only viable option is to instruct your significant other to keep their cheating under wraps so that it will never get back to me.  Plainly stated, the man is instructed to use a condom at all times, not to forge special relationships with the 3rd party, never bring anything to the home or workplace and use discretion when engaging with said individual in public or private.

Is this the only option women have these days to keep their relationships happy and healthy?  Do women have to forgo their needs for their partner to be faithful in order to stay married?  It seems that every time I watch HBO documentaries their is a sex doc speaking of swingers and alternative lifestyles of married couples, whereas the openness is what keeps the relationships afloat.

I really would love to hear feedback from my male and female readers:

WOMEN
Would you allow your significant other to cheat as long as he/she didn't produce any children, diseases or public scrutiny from the affair?
Do you feel cheating should be prohibited no matter if they tell you or not?
Would you want to know if your husband planned to cheat, even if you gave him the FREE PASS to do so or would you not want to know?

MEN
Is it smart for a woman to allow her man breathing room in the cheating department along with a list of restrictions?
Should women allow men a FREE PASS as long as he doesn't bring anything home or cause her embarrassment by the affair?
Are women that think their husbands will never cheat throughout the duration of their marriages clueless?

TIME TO WEIGH IN....SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

Are Children From A Previous Girlfriend/Boyfriend Deal Breakers In A Relationship???

I haven't posted a relationship blog in awhile and I recently encountered a situation with a girlfriend that made me want to speak on this occurrence.  My close girlfriend was telling me about her and her boyfriend's issues with each other and they seemed to all stem from his son from a previous relationship.  I have had my experience with a man who had children and trust me, it was not easy.  However, the love I had for their father made me want to hold on and make things work, despite blatant disrespect from his kids and the lack of support from him at times.  I always wondered if our relationship went to the next level with marriage and children of our own, would he have the same excitement and exuberance when our child was born.  Another issue for me personally was the lack of time and commitment that I received, due to the priority of the child.  No one wants to be all dressed up and ready to go out and the father can't go because his son is sick.

Many women, along with my close girlfriend, have warned me not to get with a man with a child.  Baby Mama drama is rampant in our era because men and women fail to get to know each other before they conceive a child.  But what if the child's mother gets along with the father and the child, itself, is really the issue?  I can recall my mother having a boyfriend while her and my father were legally separated for an extended amount of time and as a child, I definitely gave him a hard time.  A child will always want to see their parents together so you as the "new girlfriend or boyfriend" becomes his/her worse enemy. 

It is perfectly understandable that a woman/man would want their first child to be with their significant other in order to experience child birth for the first time TOGETHER!  However, you will be hard pressed in this day and age to find a young African American man that does not have a seed or a woman with no children.  Are these women/men who refuse to date a man/woman with kids significantly limiting their pool of eligible catches?  Is it realistic to think that you will find your soul mate while ruling out men or women with children altogether?  Can a man's child or a woman's child get on your nerves that much that you would want to end the relationship?   

I would love to hear from singles that have experienced dating the opposite sex whom has kids or even couples who are navigating through this journey as we speak:

Would you ever do it again?
Was the child too much to handle to not be your own?
Did you ever consider breaking up with the person because you could not handle the issues that came with their child?

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS....

Love & Hip Hop: Jim Jones Finally Pops The Question!!!

Love & Hip Hop is one of my fav reality shows on TV because it shows the beautiful and glamorous sides of Hip Hop as well as the gutter, ghetto side...I'm all about balance! Well tonight it showed Jim Jones, best known as one of three members of the former cult movement known as Dipset (alongside Cam'ron and Juelz Santana), and his then pseudo-fiance Chrissy being proposed to while on a girls' trip to Miami. I never really cared for Jim Jones until Love & Hip Hop aired.  The reality show displays a more loving and caring side of him.  A far cry from the gun-toting, paparazzi spitting, Jim Jones who sags his True Religion jeans damn near below his knees.  His girlfriend Chrissy has brought out the loving and nurturing side of him in episode 7 entitled "Proposal".



It seems that since the show first aired last year that Chrissy would never stop urging and nagging Jim to marry her.  Well, her dreams have finally come true.  In this episode and previous ones, Chrissy is shown enlisting the help of family members (her Aunt and Uncle) and even going to Jim's mother, Mama Jones, for advice, which is definitely a 180 from based on the previous spats between the two ladies in the past on the show.  It looks like the Jones clan is finally getting things together and on the right track, with Jones' burgeoning Vampire clothing line and Chrissy teaming up with him to further plant their feet in the fashion industry with a line of coats called Protocol.  All in all things seem to be shaping up nicely for the two and the Internet is ablaze with well wishes and congratulations from males and females alike on the proposal.

But one can't help but question when the two will set a date and actually get married.  For Jim's sake, I hope he is sincere and this isn't just a ploy to pacify her. Because Lord knows that once you take her there, there is no turning back for Chrissy.

For this episode and more, check out Vh1 at:

http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop/season_1/series.jhtml


QUESTION FOR MY READERS:
Were you happy for Chrissy when the proposal aired on Love & Hip Hop?
Do you think Jim Jones is serious about marrying Chrissy?
Do you think Chrissy& Jim Jones make a good couple?
What is one big issue that the two must learn to tackle to keep their relationship healthy?

Happy New Year: A Pledge To My Readers for 2012

First off, Happy New Year to all my BornTooBlog readers, new and old!!!! BornTooBlog has been running since February of 2011.  In such a brief time we've touched on so many topics ranging from what's practical and hot in fashion, for ladies and gents alike to coverage on fabulous award shows, from performances to fashion and red carpets to the flashing lights.  Even further, we've addressed matters of love and the heart, while highlighting the importance of family, photography and music.  We've even showed love to local entreprenuers and upcoming musical artists, and more, but there is still so much more to do.

In 2012, I, Maya Nichelle "BornTooBlog" Douglas, am personally vowing to duelve deeper into the abyss of music, fashion, and relationships.  I also vow to post more often and consistently with topics you want to read about and discuss, to ensure BornTooBlog is a forum for varying and respected ideas on the topics that matter most to you.

As 2012 was approaching, I was met face-to-face with my readers as the holidays progressed, and was given surprisingly invaluable encouragement and feedback.  I welcome you all to contact me via e-mail at BornTooBlog and via my posts to provide feedback on what you love...and hate about the site (be nice).  All feedback and input is welcomed as we journey through this new year and territory better known as 2012.  So here's a toast to you, my @BornTooBlog readers and followers:

A solo of @BornTooBlog from NYE 2011 in Hollywood Hills

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T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle

Last night T.I. and Tiny debuted their new reality show on VH1, showcasing the tender side of T.I., prominently shown as the family man, husband and rap mogul, all after being released from his 2nd prison stint in a matter of years.  Although T.I.'s journey home out of federal custody was a difficult one (they made him stay an extra month for attempting to leave in a tricked out tour bus), it was beautiful to see him readjust to freedom and reclaim his household after finally being released.

T.I. and Tiny are quite possibly the cutest couple ever, not because of their physical features, but the way they care for each other.  T.I. is always shown showering his wife Tiny with diamonds, shoes and bags, while Tiny is portrayed as the loving mother and dedicated wife, struggling to keep her family together.

T.I. is met with another snafu along the road when he is forced to choose between a rehearsal for the BET Awards and his son's football game.  I love the maturity he shows when he puts everything on the back burner just to show his son the support he needs at his football game.  T.I. is trying to show the world what matters most to him, as he put it, "God, Family, then Hustle....in that order" as he struggles to stay on the straight and narrow and out of correctional facilities.

The love, admiration and teamwork is what makes The Family Hustle so fun and interesting to watch.  Although they have a whopping 6 kids (combined), the two never lose their zest and zeal for each other, always making room for quality time no matter how demanding their schedules are. 

What I love most about the show is that it shows his humane side as a father, husband, rapper and business man.  Juggling all of these acts can be challenging, but as T.I. draws from his friend Jay-z in quoting, "Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes a week", that's just how it goes down in the Harris household.  Equipped with lots of laughter and sincerity, T.I. and Tiny's The Family Hustle is definitely a show to watch.

Below are pics of T.I. and his beautiful family.

WEIGH IN
Did you catch T.I. & Tiny's The Family Hustle?
Do you think it was a positive portrayal of a black family in the south?
How do you think T.I. is managing his responsibilities?
Are you a fan of T.I.'s?
Do you think he deserves another chance from his fans and the public?

Ok, I Take It Back: Revisit to Post: "Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships?"

I previously wrote a post entitled "Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships???"  I got lots of feedback on and offline, but it was mostly from the fellas who felt that I wasn't seeing the issue from their perspective.  Well, here I am two months later, contemplating and rethinking a lot of the things I wrote in the post.  In the post I questioned the validity of some men's excuse for not wanting a relationship due to their lack of discretionary funds aka because they're broke!  By no means was I downplaying men who are struggling in this current negative financial climate, nor was it my intention to put anyone down or "male-bash" as some would call it.  I was simply questioning if this common excuse that women hear was really the case, and not what I believed to be a cop out.

After weeks of thinking about this post, speaking to people and experiencing things on my own I am now ready to admit that I see what the fellas were saying.  NO! Money is not everything, but it does afford a certain comfort and lifestyle that is elusive without it.  What really helped me see the light was understanding what role money plays in a relationship, outside of special occasions like birthdays and holidays.  I thought to myself, "Since money can't buy love, what can it actually buy?"  While pondering this I realized that money, or the lack thereof, could be a deal breaker in a relationship.  Case in point.  Money affords men to take us on dates, vacations, etc.  We all know that romance is what keeps relationships that have been going for awhile fresh and exciting.

Spending quality time outside of the home with the one you love can bring another level of intimacy that cannot be gained from cuddling on the couch watching movies.  The spark you both get when you look into each other's eyes over dinner, or hold each other's hands in the movies can do wonders for the sex life, and as I said earlier, keep things fresh and new.  I also realized, sitting at home with nothing to do due to a lack of funds can cause tension and staleness in a relationship.  Getting out together, enjoying each other's company in public, etc. can do wonders for a relationship that was once sizzling, but now seems to be fizzing out.

So for the first time in BornTooBlog history, I will say that I take back what I said and now understand the other side to my previous post, Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships???.  I'm sure many men will be happy to witness this turn of events.  I will never declare that my views cannot be challenged nor that I can not be persuaded to the other side of the fence.  One of the main reasons I created this blog was for everyone to be able to share their ideas and insight on a variety of topics that they felt passionate about.  I am learning new things everyday and today, I am happy to say I learned this!

WEIGH IN
Do you think my change of heart was warranted?
Did you agree or disagree with my previous post?
How much do you think money affects relationships?
Has a women broke up with you because a lack of funds?

Video Spotlight: J. Cole - Lost Ones

You all know I L-O-V-E J. Cole and his new album Cole World: The Sideline Story which debuted at #1 in its first week of release selling 217,000 copies.  Not bad for the North Carolina native who started this all off with a "dollar and a dream".  I'm very impressed by the subject matter, metaphors and lyrical content on the new album, especially on songs like Lights Please where he discusses a women's preoccupation with sex while he is only trying to get to know her, Breakdown where he talks about the pain of not having his father in his life, and Dollar And A Dream when he speaks of the hard times he experienced in his life. 

He keeps the balance with dance/club tracks like Can't Get Enough and Workout, but Lost Ones speaks to the experience that both a young man and women who are in love undergo once the girl finds out she is pregnant.  Cole personifies the thoughts and fears of a young man encountering this situation, as well as the abandonment a women feels when left to make the decision whether to keep their baby.

I've been pumping J. Cole for awhile so I'm happy to see the success that he is receiving after his debut release.  If you haven't heard the whole album yet I highly urge that you go out and get it and see what all the hype is about.  People are always saying that Hip Hop needs more diversity and intelligent topics, well here you go Hip Hip critics! Hopefully, this talented lyricist is here to stay.

Check out the emotional and profound Video Spotlight for Lost Ones:

WEIGH IN
Did you enjoy watching the video?
Was the subject matter on point and current with today's times?
Would you like to hear more music like this?
What are your thoughts on J. Cole as an artist?
Have you listened to the album, and if so, what are your thoughts?
What are your thoughts on abortion?

Are Women The Only Ones With The Emotions?

I received a lot of feedback from my post last week regarding relationships Is The Chase Dead In Modern day Relationships.  Thinking about the current dating market, in Los Angeles at least, I decided the topic of relationships might need to be explored a little more.  As I was thinking about what to write, the word "emotions" came to mind and specifically, who has them, who exercises them and who hates them?  Off the top of my head I can recall countless times men have told me that women are too emotional.  That they use their hearts instead of the heads and that women operate off of emotion, whereas men operate off of logic. *side eye*

When you think about the experience or expression of "emotions" its kind of hard to think that only women have emotions in romantic relationships.  I mean, we're all human, all have pretty much the same make up as human beings, and we all seem to strive for common goals: happiness, pleasure, success, self-assurance, etc.  So how could only one sex experience and utilize their emotions?  Forgive me for my ignorance, but aren't all humans, for the most part, capable of feeling and expressing emotions?  So why when it comes to love, which is one of the most emotional activities in life that one can engage in, are women the only ones using them, or even acknowledging that they exist?

Perhaps this is a little to psychological for you all, but the debate over nature vs. nurture is a never-ending one.  However, I bring up the concept of nature vs. nurture because perhaps men (or young boys) start off using their emotions ie. crying, displaying sadness or disappointment, but are quickly told by their parents to "suck it up", "boys don't cry" or to "wipe their tears and man up".  Maybe this is why men are so adverse to using expressing their emotions when it comes to matters of the heart.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that women are the only ones who experience and feel the need to express emotions, but in my dealings with men, it almost feels like I'm trying to pull teeth to get a man to express his emotions as freely as I do.  I know, I know, I've had much more practice, but why is it such a big deal to express emotions that one has to keep them bottled up inside?  And we wonder why some men have issues with aggression.  Is it not manly to show that your feelings are hurt, someone disappointed you, or perhaps, that you (men) actually care about more than busting a nut?

It seems that men only express emotions when they are forced to and their backs are against the wall.  Why do relationships have to come to extremes in order for a man to express he is "feeling" something.  Now don't get me wrong.  Women are definitely emotional creatures, at some times, to our detriment and we all must learn to balance it.  So I guess its safe to say that both parties have some work to do when it comes to this topic if we are ever going to meet in the middle and achieve balance in our relationships. 

Sidebar: Someone recently expressed to me that my relationship posts are a bit one-sided and I have taken note of this and promise to have some female bashing posts for you men, lol, but first things first...

I would love to hear from the fellas on this!!!!

Do you think that men experience emotions and often do not express them?
Do you find yourself holding your tongue or not expressing your true emotions for fear of not being "manly"?
Do men really react strictly from logic as they say or are they just not experienced in exercising their emotions?

I would love your feedback.....WEIGH IN!

Is The Chase Dead In Modern Day Relationships?

It seems to me that the young men and women of today are totally jaded when it comes to relationships, commitment and marriage.  So jaded that no one really takes the time to get to know someone new for fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.  I've even heard men go so far as to say that they don't like to "date" women because it costs too much money and women don't appreciate it half the time.  Most "dates" don't end up with anything real or worthwhile, which I understand, but are we so far advanced that romance and "the chase" are obsolete in order to fuel new relationships?

In the good 'ol days, men would "court" or "chase" a woman he was interested in.  He would wine and dine her and treat her like a gentlemen would a lady.  Now all I hear about is men wanting to rent a video, come over and the woman prepare a home-cooked meal.  I know times are hard, but damn, we can't go see a matinee?

I sit back and wonder where did this dating mentality come from?  What did I miss?  Are there no women out there worthy of being wined and dined?  Is going out on dates to get to know a person obsolete these days?  I guess too many songs talking about "bitches aint shit" and "never trust a hoe" have finally rubbed off on the consciousness of our generation. *sigh*

To get on the topic of marriage shows an even more bleak situation.  Not only are people genuinely distrustful of the opposite sex, unwilling to "court" or "chase" a woman, but they seem to have also given up entirely on the idea of marriage.  Most men I talk to see no point in marriage and feel it is an antiquated institution.  With so many failing marriages and the backlash of nasty divorces played out every day in the media and in our everyday lives, I understand the lack of faith from my generation. However, a lot of the people who say they will never get married come from parents who have successful marriages. *confused*

I guess my point is since when was it not cool to date or chase (court) after a woman? Are our egos too bruised and our hearts too deflated to really believe in the concept of true love and hold fast to values like commitment and marriage?  If the answer is yes, I am very concerned for our present and future generations.  I can see it now...a bunch of lonely men and women who have no concept of commitment and what a real relationship is all about.  Trust, honesty, loyalty and most of all, sticktoitiveness (is that a word?).  If there is nothing out there to fight for or chase after, then what are we all doing with our lives?  What's the point?

I would love for my readers to WEIGH IN!
Do you believe in chasing or courting a woman? Why or why not?
Do you believe in the institution of marriage?
Are you against taking women out on dates? If so, why?