Why Do Men Have Kids By Women They Don't Like?

Men having children by women they can't stand is no new occurrence or phenomenon.  Sure there are plenty of parents that were in love when they conceived their children, and later, due to unforeseen circumstances, fell out of love.  But what about the men who were never in love with the mothers of their children, yet consistently had unprotected sex with these women, knowing they would not get along in a parenting situation, or even worse, that they would be unfit mothers?  Who is holding these men responsible for planting seeds in women that they knew beyond the shadow of a doubt would make things hard when it came to seeing their child or would use the child as bait to get the things they want from the man?

I will give some the benefit of the doubt in saying that maybe the woman flipped once she found out she was pregnant or that the man didn't want to be with her, but many men knew the temperament and personality of the women they were having unprotected sex with and instead of "pulling out" or even better, wearing a condom, they chose to go all in.  Scratch that, how about choosing not to deal with women whom you have nothing in common with other than sex so things like this don't happen at all?  Does something happen when a man is inside a woman that doesn't allow him to restrain himself from ejaculating in her?  Does the woman's vagina have some sort of timed vice grip that holds the man inside her until he fertilizes her egg? Somebody help me out here.

It may seem like I'm being silly or funny, but I'm dead serious!!!  Why do men continuously impregnate women that they can't stand and have no possibility of having a future with outside of child support cases and birthday parties?  It seems to me if said men took a little time to think past their penis, they would be smarter when dealing with women where signs of negativity are already present.  A child is a lifetime responsibility and I'm sure many men regret that one fatal time where they let the vagina get the best of them.  Men want to be seen as so strong and macho, yet can't fight off a woman that means them no earthly good.  What's the point of having muscles and endurance if you can't fight off a lifetime of heartache and regret?

I think men need to think twice when having sex with ANY WOMAN that they deem is not mother or wifey material.  That way, they can lessen the chances of impregnating a woman that will literally suck the life out of them throughout the duration of their co-parenting of the child.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Season Finale

I know we are all heartbroken to see our favorite reality smash hit of the summer go, seemingly just as quick as it came.  It seems as though we were just getting to know the standout characters Stevie J, Scrappy, Mimi, Joseline, and K. Michelle, but the season has now come to a close and the only thing us fans have left is the reunion show that will be airing shortly.  These castmates have been taken through a whirlwind to say the least.

When the show first aired everyone seemed to hate Joseline and Stevie J and were feeling sorry for Mimi.  Now that the season has ended, perceptions and views have changed with bad boy Stevie winning the hearts of many men and women throughout the country.  Now don't get me wrong, Stevie is definitely not the type of character I would look to have a relationship with, but you gotta admit that the guy has personality and a strong magnetism.  I see the fellas on Twitter and Facebook every Monday chanting "Stevie J for President".  He is clearly a favorite amongst the bad boy/misogynistic minded men who have grown to love his swag and confidence, as well as, his ability to attract women and keep them coming back.  Contrary to the masses first feeling sorry for Mimi Faust, we are now somewhat "over" her victim role and I think in the end we might all agree that she is doing this to herself.

Karlie Redd and Benzino were definitely entertaining to watch.  To see Benzino, the alleged misogynist/lady killer show his soft, loving side was definitely an endearing surprise.  Karlie Redd seems like the only one losing in this situation as we have yet to hear any material from her or see her face outside of Vh1.  I think we're all wondering why is this chick so career-centered when no one has ever heard from her or seen her outside of the show.  It might be time to focus on other things than that career boo boo!

Lil' Scrappy and Erica have been through a lot, but I give them credit for airing out their feelings and differences with one another for the betterment of their child, Imani.  Mama Dee needs to permanently take a seat with her no spelling self, "B-I-C-T-H...and in that order". *sigh*  Her meddling and immature/ghetto advice to her son seems to have only hurt his chances at finding true love, which deep down, I think Scrappy really wants.  I won't cloud this season finale post with spoilers from blog sites speaking on what's going to happen on the reunion, but I'm sure we'll all be surprised to see what becomes of this couple.

Rasheeda and her husband Kirk have also been through a lot this season and I'm happy to see them renewing their vows and making the pledge to stay together no matter what in the end of the season.  I wish Rasheeda the best in her career and marriage and I still can't wait to hear her song, "Put it on 'em, make him wanna marry me" on the airwaves.  These two seem to have come out stronger than when they entered and hopefully they will achieve their goals of making Rasheeda a star.

K. Michelle really needs to stop crying and move forward.  I understand that it's probably very difficult to be in the public eye and your alleged abuser has moved on to a new woman and family and continues to deny your domestic violence reports, but what she needs to understand is the fans want to know who she is!!! Not the battered woman, nor the new artist that got screwed out of her deal, but a woman that is resilient, strong, and will fight for what she deserves and wants.  Like she said on the finale, "No more tears".

I can't lie, Joseline Hernandez' personality and swag has continued to grow on me since the beginning.  The girl has the gift of gab and an undrainable source of confidence and perseverance.  If she plays her cards right she might actually achieve her goal of never going back to the strip club.  Fans are still wondering if her and Stevie can put the b.s. aside and just work together, professionally.  Lets just say they both have their work cut out for them.

I don't know about my BornTooBlog readers, but I can't wait to see the finale and the tomfoolery that is sure to ensue.  I must give a big shout out to Mona Scott-Young for giving us our ratchet guilty pleasure and something to talk about throughout the summer.  The Love & Hip Hop Atlanta cast have definitely made a name for themselves in such a short time.  Now the challenge is to keep the fire going and to solidify themselves as genuine actors/celebrities/artists.  Only time will tell if this cast will revisit our homes, radio stations, social networks and give us more drama to laugh, talk and shake our heads to.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you happy with how things ended in the finale between Stevie J and Mimi?
Do you think Karlie Redd and Benzino were good for each other?
Do you think Lil' Scrappy and Erica can make it work for the sake of their child?
Have your views on Joseline Hernandez changed throughout the season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta?
Should K. Michelle move on from the alleged abuse and focus more on her career?
Does Rasheeda have real potential as a music star if her husband Kirk backs off of her career?

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Therapy

Well, Mona Scott-Young has brought us the juiciest reality show known to man and it is quickly becoming America's favorite guilty pleasure viewing choice.  Last night's episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was outrageous, touching, intriguing and a *side eye* factor all at the same damn time.  We saw Mimi and Stevie J attempt to bring some sanity to their interactions by speaking to a clinical psychologist.  Although he is the therapist from the infamous Maury Povich daytime talk show, he quickly got to the core of Mimi and Stevie's issues and helped them open up about their pasts.  Knowing now that Stevie J was abandoned by his mother at birth sheds a lot of light as to his faulty dealings with the women in his life and Mimi's Mommy issues also lend to her need to keep Stevie J around.  I'm proud to see Vh1 showing the importance of therapy in this positive light and how it can help heal open wounds.  More couples should be as brave and courageous as Stevie and Mimi...kudos to them.

Scrappy was up to his old shady ways trying to plan and plot a strategy to get off child support.  I understand many young males of color don't like the system/government in their "business", but why is there a need to pay for expensive lawyers if you're planning on paying the child support anyway?  Sounds kind of backwards to me, but I hope him and Erica figure it out.  Although Side Chick Buckey (from Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love dating show) is conniving and ratchet, she has a little bit of sense and may be able to help guide Scrappy to the right course of action.

Joseline aka The Side Chick is quickly claiming her personal power and slowly cutting the strong ties that Stevie J bonds her with.  Sleazy, I mean, Stevie J is quick to always remind her that he will exile her from the music industry and send her packing all her thongs, back to the strip club, but his threats are starting to wear thin on the poor child.  I'm not sure how the season will end between Joseline and her "man-ager", but Lord knows something needs to change.

Benzino and Karlie Redd are just too much and I am really trying to figure out if this is a publicity stunt on both sides to improve their images.  Visions of Benzino figuratively running through The Source magazine offices smacking ass and going under skirts comes to mind (this is not fact), but he now is showing his soft and human side while around Karlie as he spoils her and lavishes her with gifts and attention.  I really can't be mad at the brother though; He's very charming and convincing.

At times I think that Mimi, Stevie, Joseline, Karlie and K. Michelle, who is such a talented artist, are all just great actors, but then I realize that Love & Hip Hop is so ratchet, ignorant, hilarious, addicting and ridiculous that I think to myself, you just can't write stuff like this. 

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Who is your favorite character on LHHATL and why?
Do you feel bad for Mimi?
Does Karlie Redd seem sincere?
Who do you dislike the most on the show?

I Love My Mister Wrong

It seems that every other R&B or Hip Hop song on the radio is about a woman who can't let the man that treats her wrong go.  If its not Mary J. Blige's song "Mr. Wrong" or Jeezy's hit song "Leave You Alone", its another declaration that somehow, women are not strong enough to let go of a BAD THING because the love is so GOOD.  Where did us women get things so misconstrued along the way that we become gluttons for punishment and began to believe that because he makes us feel good in the bedroom, or can possibly deliver emotional feelings for the moment, that he deserves our time or effort?  Why do we as women overlook good men that don't necessarily fit the persona of the man that we think we want and need, that can actually treat us right and do good by us? Instead, we stick around with the players, pimps, or simply, the "emotionally unavailable" men. WHY?

Its not like these types of men show up out of nowhere and don't reveal their true selves from the beginning.  Their aura and persona shines just as brightly as their pearly whites and bulging muscles, and quite often, bulging pockets.  Us as women know what these men are about via our initial attraction to them.  The attraction is electric and cosmic.  The cocky glance and stare get us every time and all of a sudden, splash, our panties are wet with excitement.  Sadly, too often we get the short end of the stick and I'm not talking about their penis size, because usually, that's all they have to offer in the love department.  There is never a real chance at commitment or vulnerability, just a bravado that dares us to leave them, and if we do, they're on to the next leaving us torn and tattered in the aftermath.

Lyrics from Mary J. Blige's "Mr. Wrong":

Bad boys aint no good

Good boys aint no fun

Lord knows that I should

Run off with the right one

 

[Chorus]

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)

Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr Mister Wrong

 

Even if I try, no, I never could

Give him up cause his loves like that

Aint no way that I'm moving on

I love my Mr Wrong

How many times must we go through the same thing before we truly realize what is important in love and relationships?  When will we consider loving Mr. Right instead of Mr. Wrong?  When will we love ourselves enough to stop the pattern of self sabotage and self defeat regarding matters of the heart and start fresh with a focused and clear head?  All I know is I can't stand to listen to another woman sing about setting herself up for pain and regret, because she can't see past his huge and tantalizing package, as illusive as it may be.

I'm waiting for the day when the way a man makes us feel physically will always match up with our emotional wants and needs and until that day, we will never truly find true fulfillment in love.  I have been guilty of the aforementioned myself at times, which is why I say "we" and "us".  Its now time for the curse to be broken and for us to break the shackles of the love spell, which we will soon begin to realize, was never really love at all.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you know a woman that always falls in love with Mr. Wrong? Are you one of them?
What about Mr. Wrong attracts you and keeps you coming back for more?
Do you wish you could leave him, but simply don't feel strong enough?
Do you believe you deserve a good man aka Mr. Right?

I would love for the men to chime in as well:
Are you Mr. Right and you constantly get overlooked by women for Mr. Wrong?
Do you find that women say they want a good man, but really chase the bad boys?
As Mr. Right, have you ever contemplated playing the bad guy role to make a chick interested in you?
Do you think good guys ultimately finish last when it comes to love and relationships?

Frank Ocean Out The Closet, Is R&B Ready For A Gay Artist?

I first wrote about Frank Ocean around this time last year after hearing his mixtape Nostalgia, Ultra that introduced us to an introspective, yet forthcoming new artist that was gifted with the skill of writing and evoking romantic emotion that is often unheard of from artists his age; He's only 25.  The subject matter that he displays through his songs are not only thought provoking, but wildly uncommon in this day and age of music that seems to focus solely on party and bullshit.

Ocean recently came out of the closet (acknowledging his love for men) by featuring songs on his debut album Channel Orange (released online on July 10th and available in stores next week) that focus on love and loss between two men.  This album comes highly anticipated based off his previous work with Jay-Z, Kanye, and Beyonce, as well as, his own mixtape releases, but has left his current and new fans confused on what to expect next out of the newcomer.

I caught his performance on Jimmy Fallon that aired this past Monday and he sang a love song that he wrote about a man called "Bad Religion".  I wasn't too blown away by the performance, but I thought to myself, is R&B/Hip Hop ready for a gay or possibly, bisexual artist? I've posed this question before in a previous blog titled, "Is Hip Hop Ready For Homosexuality?!?!?!."  Personally, I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear love songs about love shared between two men. I am by no means homophobic and I respect everyone's right to live free of persecution or judgement based off of their sexual preference, however, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to cross that bridge.

Below is video footage of Frank Ocean's performance on Jimmy Fallon:

I'd love to hear from my BornTooBlog readers on this one!!!!

What do you think about the performance?
Are you a fan?
Did you know he was gay/bisexual? Does it matter?
Do you plan on copping the album?
Do you think his coming out will help or hurt his career?

WEIGH IN!!!!!

Do Short Men Have More Confidence Than Tall Men?

I am a tall woman standing approximately 5'11 and I find that I am often greeted and courted by shorter men, much more often than I am by taller men.  You would think that it would be easy for me to find a 6+ footer, but it seems as though all I get approached by is shorter men.  A man recently asked me if short men approach me more than tall men and I definitely told him my experience proved that shorter men approach me more.  I asked him why is that and he explained that shorter men like a challenge.  They like the vote of confidence they get when they can pull or attract a taller woman.  He also explained that tall men don't go after tall women because they are not secure enough within themselves to handle a woman of that stature.  On the contrary, you would think that would be the answer for the shorter guys, right?

I'm sure taller women are used to getting approached by men shorter than them and often hear pickup lines like, "We're all the same height lying down." or "You're a tall glass of water." or even better yet, my favorite, "You're a tall tree that I'd like to climb"...*eye roll*.  More important to me than the actual occurrence is the reason behind it.  Are tall women just trophies that short men use to boost their ego?  Are taller men intimidated by women that stand closer to them in height and would rather date a smaller chick to boost their egos and make them feel like "the man"?

We've seen several cases of this in Hollywood with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, as well as, Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons

All of this ego boosting and opposites attracting is just too much.  Isn't it harder to kiss a guy if he's 6'5 and you're 5'5? Wouldn't shorter guys look better with short women and taller men better with taller women?  In a perfect world I'm sure this would be the norm, but in our society, things seem to be switched when it comes to the extreme sides of this spectrum.  So my question is, are shorter guys really more confident or are they using this lack of confidence to fuel their "Napoleon complex"?  Do taller guys shy away from taller women whom they are not able to dominate as easily as, lets say, a shorter chick?  I want the feedback from the fellas and the ladies on this one, short and tall and everywhere in between!!!! :-)

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a taller chick that always gets approached by shorter dudes?
As a taller man, do you prefer a woman that is much closer to you in height or much shorter?
As a shorter man, do you prefer taller chicks and why?
As a taller woman, would you prefer to date taller guys, but find that there is a shortage of taller men that are attracted to you?
As a taller woman, are you comfortable with dating a guy shorter than you?

Snoop Dogg and Friends Document the 20th Anniversary of the L.A. Riots via Vh1's Rock Docs

Looking back 20 years ago to the week, all sorts of emotions came up when I watched VH1's latest Rock Docs film, Uprising: Hip Hop and The L.A. Riots, which premiered on May 1st on Vh1.  As West Coast representer Snoop Dogg narrated the documentary, he explained the social and economical triggers that led up to that fateful day on April 29, 1992, which lasted 4 days.  The documentary also highlighted how our new age civil rights leaders aka Hip Hop artists like KRS-1, Nas, Tupac, N.W.A. and Ice T, spoke on the growing rage and living conditions that were occurring in the ghetto prior to the uprising, yet why was no one listening? Instead they were trying to ban them from the airwaves because they were speaking the truth about the trials and tribulations that were occurring in the ghetto every day.

I was 11 years old and was not allowed to leave the house when all of the fires and looting were taking place.  53 people were left dead, while countless Los Angelenos were injured and billions of dollars of damage was done in the streets of South Los Angeles and abroad.  While watching the documentary I think a lot of myths about the riots were dispelled as they showed races other than African Americans looting and causing mayhem.  Furthermore, they also portrayed how many individuals who didn't even live in the area that came by to participate in the debauchery...SMH (Shaking My Head)

I understand the anger and rage that the people of my community felt on that day where the (4) LAPD Officers were acquitted for the brutal beating of Rodney King that was caught on videotape.  Seeing an injustice like that first hand changed my view of this country and the world I lived in forever.  However, the aftermath of the rage and violence left us with little to show for, other than a few pairs of Jordans, some electronic equipment, diapers, burned cars and buildings, and an infrastructure that would take years to rebuild.

I recall my parents taking us around on a tour of the devastation in the aftermath.  We rode around South Los Angeles and saw all of the destruction first hand for the first time and not from the news channel's camera lense or perspective.  Depression and activism followed shortly thereafter as black folks came together for what had seemed like the first time in my young life.

The documentary really brought some things to light that my young mind was not able to process at the time, yet in hindsight makes so much sense.  Hearing the story told from the eyes of the musically artistic heroes of then and now really gave me a new perspective on this tragic incident in our history.

Below are some pictures to remind us all of the devastation 20 years ago:

As the country is yet again polarized on incidents of brutality and the mistreatment of people of color, such as in the Trayvon Martin case, many people have alluded to the 1992 riots reoccurring, if his killer, George Zimmerman is acquitted.  Although it is not a situation of Police brutality, it shines the light on the realization that not much has changed when it comes to race relations and perceptions in this country, as well as, law enforcement's proclivity to protect their own, bury evidence and block the shade from tragedies such as Martin's unjust murder.  Regardless, I urge us all across the country to think twice before we burn our own communities down, again, in a fit of rage and violence, because as we look back to the worse riots in our country's history, it doesnt change things.

Check your local listings and the link below to see when the Rock Docs will air again on Vh1:

http://blog.vh1.com/2012-04-04/vh1s-latest-rock-docs-film-uprising-hip-hop-and-the-l-a-riots-to-premiere-may-1/

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

Were you old enough to live through and remember the L.A. riots of 1992?

Do you think anything has changed from then to now?

Do you think people will riot if George Zimmerman is acquitted?

Were you one of the ones looting and burning?

If we could respond differently then, what would you say we should've done?

I Am Not My Hair

For centuries black women and women of color have struggled with their coarse locks that are either too curly (nappy) or euphemistically speaking, "unmanageable".  I loathe the word "nappy".  It carries such a negative undertone.  To say that black women's hair is a touchy subject would be an understatement.  The hair care industry is making billions annually, which affords black women more freedom and versatility in the hairstyles they can rock now more than ever.  Weaves, wigs, clip-ins, braids, sewed in, glued in, bonded, you name it, these ladies are doing it.  If a black woman is not straightening her hair with a hot comb, flat ironing or relaxing it, there is only one alternative...natural tresses.

If you want to know just how sticky the subject is, just ask a man who has dealt with a black woman and he will be the first to tell you all the Do's and Don'ts.  Moisture is Public Enemy #1 to a black woman's hairdo!  Yes, that's it, moisture!  Moisture can come in the form of sweat, or water or any other type of liquid, but it will instantly do one of two things: If the woman has natural hair with no chemicals on it, her hair will expand and the hair's natural curl pattern will form (afro/curly afro).  If she has a relaxer, the hair will just go limp.  I know, No bueno!  Now it makes much more sense why some black women will not swim or workout when there hair is in a specific style, right?

Not swimming and not working out can become a hinderance to your lifestyle and decrease physical activity.  There are two common remedies for this: a full weave or wig or braids or locks of some kind.  Not only do black women have to worry about Public Enemy #1, moisture, but they also have to fear another common enemy to black women's hair and that would be the black man...lol!  No, seriously! Black men love to touch their women's hair when it is fresh out the shop, sweat out her curls while engaging in physical activity ;-) and basically take a beautiful hairdo from 0-60 in 5 seconds.  To that I say, ladies, make him pay!$!$

On a more serious note, black men do not only mess up perfectly good hairdos, but they criticize them as well.  Nowadays, black men are very vocal about whether they like or dislike weaves, who should wear them and who shouldn't and what they feel your "best" look is.  I think I liked it more when men didn't care about fashion and grooming *smile*.  Either way, black women have some serious "roots" and "soul" searching to do.

So here comes the ultimate hair question.  Do black women ignore the negative "nappy" stereotypes and rock their natural hair...kinks and all? Or do they go for the easier and "manageable" route with a partial or full weave or wig?  Statistics show that more and more women are going with the latter.  Time, convenience and affordability play a big factor.  I say, if you are going to put anything on your head, just make sure it is quality, or at least looks like quality, otherwise, you are downgrading.  And it is also a good idea to pick curl patterns, styles, and colors that are flattering to your physical features.

I'm curious to know about the struggles black women have with their hair when it comes to braids, wigs, weaves and locks.  Do you find that you get attention from different people when you wear your natural hair?  Do you get criticized for wearing your weave?  I would also love to hear from the men who have something to say.....TIME TO WEIGH IN...

P.S. If you want to explore new NATURAL hairstyles, treatment, products, etc....check out this site: http://bglhonline.com/ - "Celebrating the dopeness of natural hair."

More recently popular black celebs have been making it a "trend" to rock their natural hair and I'm lovin' it.  Check out some pics of celebs rocking natural looks:

 

SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!