Relationships: Is He Your Type or the Marrying Type?

Too often I find myself attracted to a certain "type" of guy.  My type of guy has swag, style, confidence, charm, etc.  Much more often, I find that relationships with my "type" of man never work out because they usually have many ladies that are fighting for their affection and trust me, I will never fight over a man.  Much further beyond competition is the fact that my type is usually not the settling down kind.

What I'm coming to realize is that for as long as I can remember, my type of guy was only able to fill a temporary void when it came to relationships and never seemed to stick around for the long haul.  Nor were they capable of having a real relationship equipped with ups and downs, growth and sustainability. 

Now I find myself almost 32 years old and single....again! I am now forced to reevaluate the thinking and choices that got me where I am today.  My conclusion is that I've always been attracted to the wrong type of guys.  A six pack and big muscles won't hold you tight at night, nor will it calm your fears and support you through thick and thin.  I am now redefining my type to include qualities that don't address physical attributes, such as a willingness to settle down, build a foundation and start a family.  Other qualities that I am now more keenly focused on are commitment, trust, loyalty and honesty.

People always say you can have it all, but I constantly wonder if that is really the case.  Most of my peers that are getting married seem to have the right idea about what the "marrying type" is.  I do want to get married eventually and possibly have kids and I realize now that my "type" isn't the "marrying type".  I'm ready to shed past hurts, disappointments and misconceptions to find the love that I truly want and deserve.  I am a work in progress, but now I feel I am progressing in the right direction towards the goals I want to achieve in my life.  So I'm saying goodbye to my "type" and hello to the "marrying type".  This will take time and lots of self reflection, but I feel now more than ever I am ready to claim my prize of true love and commitment.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
LADIES: Do you find that your "type" of guy is not the "marrying type"?
Do you see similarities in your relationship life as how I have described above?
Do you often feel you get the short end of the stick in love and relationships?
Are you willing to reassess the "type" of man you need instead of the "type" of man you want?

Would You Want To Know If Your Significant Other Was Cheating?

I've spoken about this topic in relationships before, however, this time I am focusing on the open communication involved in relationships.  What does it take for a couple in this day and age to survive infidelity?  It seems as though you hear about new breakups and divorces every week, yet there are still couples that remain together, after all these years.  What is their secret? Do they know something us single people don't? 

As I was watching Basketball Wives last night, Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozado were discussing how they could beat the odds and make their relationship work amongst the gossip blogs, hearsay and just flat out rumors that one was constantly cheating on the other.  Evelyn explained to Chad that she needs him to be open and honest with her.  She stated that she would rather know that he was going to have sex with another woman from him first, before it hit the blogs.  She explained that she is not stupid enough to think that a man of his caliber that is presented with the best pickings of women in the world would not want to stray.  She puts her ego to the back burner and asks him to be honest when he felt the need to dip into another pond. 

Chad then responded by saying that he would also like to bring a lady home to their bedroom every now and then and this would keep him from straying as much.  Lozado then responded by saying that she would have to be attracted to the lady he would like to bring home before anything could jump off.

I have discussed this matter for years with male and female friends alike.  It seems that the only relationships that are intact and thriving are those where either the woman turns a blind eye to his indiscretions or they have an understanding that if and when the man does stray, that he will keep it away from the family and cause no public embarrassment or scrutiny to his spouse.  My frustration in this matter in the past has led me to think that the only viable option is to instruct your significant other to keep their cheating under wraps so that it will never get back to me.  Plainly stated, the man is instructed to use a condom at all times, not to forge special relationships with the 3rd party, never bring anything to the home or workplace and use discretion when engaging with said individual in public or private.

Is this the only option women have these days to keep their relationships happy and healthy?  Do women have to forgo their needs for their partner to be faithful in order to stay married?  It seems that every time I watch HBO documentaries their is a sex doc speaking of swingers and alternative lifestyles of married couples, whereas the openness is what keeps the relationships afloat.

I really would love to hear feedback from my male and female readers:

WOMEN
Would you allow your significant other to cheat as long as he/she didn't produce any children, diseases or public scrutiny from the affair?
Do you feel cheating should be prohibited no matter if they tell you or not?
Would you want to know if your husband planned to cheat, even if you gave him the FREE PASS to do so or would you not want to know?

MEN
Is it smart for a woman to allow her man breathing room in the cheating department along with a list of restrictions?
Should women allow men a FREE PASS as long as he doesn't bring anything home or cause her embarrassment by the affair?
Are women that think their husbands will never cheat throughout the duration of their marriages clueless?

TIME TO WEIGH IN....SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

Why Do Men Marry Bitches?

Every time I watch one my favorite reality shows called "Bridezillas" I sit back and wonder how these crazy women got these men to marry them.  I always thought a man wanted to marry a woman that would let him be the man, support him and his endeavors and give him peace when he is at home.  However, these ladies who seem to capture these men's hearts are everything but the "model wife".  They talk down to their men, suck them dry for money to pay for ridiculous wedding and personal expenses, throw temper tantrums, curse them out, physically and verbally abuse them and pretty much humiliate them on national TV.  Then I thought maybe this occurrence can be chocked up to casting, because believe me, it is definitely worth watching.  But I started looking at some of the married couples I know personally, and although they might not be as extreme as the couples on "Bridezillas" they definitely have that "bitchy" attitude and personality to them.

So what am I missing?  Do the bitches have it right?  Do they know some sort of secret that the rest of us need to catch up on?  Why is it that the women with the worst attitudes and the most drama get the happily ever after?  No wonder they say most married men are miserable, because they keep marrying bitches that make their lives a living hell and then the same men want to cheat and have mistresses that aren't bitches like their wives (don't even let me get started on that). There are even books that give you a step-by-step approach on how to be a bitch and land your husband or make a man fall in love with you. Wow!

I don't know about you, but all of this bitch talk is making me dizzy.  I'd love for you all to weigh in on this!

I would love to hear feedback from the Males:

Did you marry a bitch and why?
If so, do you regret marrying a bitch?
What about a woman being a "bitch" attracts you?

From the Ladies:

Does being a bitch get you what you want?
Are you a reformed bitch?
Did you used to try to be nice, but realized the bitches got all the perks?

Here are some highlights of the shows brides going H.A.M. (Hot Ass Mess) on anyone in a 5 mile radius...ENJOY!

Hahahahahahha

Men Have Sex With Goddesses and Marry Mortals

When discussing my relationship status with an ex-boyfriend, he relayed to me a very poignant line that I had never heard.  He said, "Men f*&^ goddesses and marry mortals".  When he said this I was genuinely taken aback until I let go of the shock of the statement and went deeper into the meaning.  What he was trying to say is men love to run around freely expressing their sexuality and lustful desires with women who in today's modern age represent Goddesses (think Marilyn Monroe, Cleopatra, etc.), but often marry a more conservative, and shall we say, less adventurous woman (think J. Lo vs. Jennifer Garner).

When I sat and thought back to how this cliche could play out in this day and age, I thought about the growing trend of Hip Hop stars getting boo'd up by ex strippers like Amber Rose or femme fatales like Natalie Nunn and how these women never seem to stick their sexy feline claws into their backs deep enough to keep them for good.

There is no secret that men love women who are freaks in the sheets.  If this were not the case, the porn industry would not be grossing $14 billion annually.  It is also no surprise that men growing up like to sew their oats and have sex with as many women as they can.  This has always been a rights of passage for young men evolving into adulthood.  But lets take a look at the current state of affairs when it comes to lustful activities.  We have all seen an increasing trend in pole dancing classes and classes on how to dance like a stripper in order to "keep your man satisfied".  So, I'm wondering, once you learn how to climb the pole then drop it like its hot, does a husband come after?  Do women find it that if they can put it on a man and make him scream that he will wife her up just like that?

I'm curious to know what priority sex really plays when it comes to getting married and settling down.  Would a man give up the sexy nympho for the straight-laced career woman?  Or do you have to be ALL OF THE ABOVE to get married these days.

I'm honestly curious and I pose this question to the men, but ladies, feel free to chime in:

WHO WOULD YOU RATHER MARRY? 

AMBER ROSE VS. MONICA



Amber Rose

Monica

  
TIA MOWRY VS. NATALIE NUNN
   

Tia Mowry

Natalie Nunn



KESHIA KNIGHT-PULLIAM VS. RIHANNA



Keshia Knight-Pulliam

Rihanna


Fellas...You decide!

Ladies....Chime in!