Why Do Men Have Kids By Women They Don't Like?

Men having children by women they can't stand is no new occurrence or phenomenon.  Sure there are plenty of parents that were in love when they conceived their children, and later, due to unforeseen circumstances, fell out of love.  But what about the men who were never in love with the mothers of their children, yet consistently had unprotected sex with these women, knowing they would not get along in a parenting situation, or even worse, that they would be unfit mothers?  Who is holding these men responsible for planting seeds in women that they knew beyond the shadow of a doubt would make things hard when it came to seeing their child or would use the child as bait to get the things they want from the man?

I will give some the benefit of the doubt in saying that maybe the woman flipped once she found out she was pregnant or that the man didn't want to be with her, but many men knew the temperament and personality of the women they were having unprotected sex with and instead of "pulling out" or even better, wearing a condom, they chose to go all in.  Scratch that, how about choosing not to deal with women whom you have nothing in common with other than sex so things like this don't happen at all?  Does something happen when a man is inside a woman that doesn't allow him to restrain himself from ejaculating in her?  Does the woman's vagina have some sort of timed vice grip that holds the man inside her until he fertilizes her egg? Somebody help me out here.

It may seem like I'm being silly or funny, but I'm dead serious!!!  Why do men continuously impregnate women that they can't stand and have no possibility of having a future with outside of child support cases and birthday parties?  It seems to me if said men took a little time to think past their penis, they would be smarter when dealing with women where signs of negativity are already present.  A child is a lifetime responsibility and I'm sure many men regret that one fatal time where they let the vagina get the best of them.  Men want to be seen as so strong and macho, yet can't fight off a woman that means them no earthly good.  What's the point of having muscles and endurance if you can't fight off a lifetime of heartache and regret?

I think men need to think twice when having sex with ANY WOMAN that they deem is not mother or wifey material.  That way, they can lessen the chances of impregnating a woman that will literally suck the life out of them throughout the duration of their co-parenting of the child.

Relationships: Is He Your Type or the Marrying Type?

Too often I find myself attracted to a certain "type" of guy.  My type of guy has swag, style, confidence, charm, etc.  Much more often, I find that relationships with my "type" of man never work out because they usually have many ladies that are fighting for their affection and trust me, I will never fight over a man.  Much further beyond competition is the fact that my type is usually not the settling down kind.

What I'm coming to realize is that for as long as I can remember, my type of guy was only able to fill a temporary void when it came to relationships and never seemed to stick around for the long haul.  Nor were they capable of having a real relationship equipped with ups and downs, growth and sustainability. 

Now I find myself almost 32 years old and single....again! I am now forced to reevaluate the thinking and choices that got me where I am today.  My conclusion is that I've always been attracted to the wrong type of guys.  A six pack and big muscles won't hold you tight at night, nor will it calm your fears and support you through thick and thin.  I am now redefining my type to include qualities that don't address physical attributes, such as a willingness to settle down, build a foundation and start a family.  Other qualities that I am now more keenly focused on are commitment, trust, loyalty and honesty.

People always say you can have it all, but I constantly wonder if that is really the case.  Most of my peers that are getting married seem to have the right idea about what the "marrying type" is.  I do want to get married eventually and possibly have kids and I realize now that my "type" isn't the "marrying type".  I'm ready to shed past hurts, disappointments and misconceptions to find the love that I truly want and deserve.  I am a work in progress, but now I feel I am progressing in the right direction towards the goals I want to achieve in my life.  So I'm saying goodbye to my "type" and hello to the "marrying type".  This will take time and lots of self reflection, but I feel now more than ever I am ready to claim my prize of true love and commitment.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
LADIES: Do you find that your "type" of guy is not the "marrying type"?
Do you see similarities in your relationship life as how I have described above?
Do you often feel you get the short end of the stick in love and relationships?
Are you willing to reassess the "type" of man you need instead of the "type" of man you want?

I Love My Mister Wrong

It seems that every other R&B or Hip Hop song on the radio is about a woman who can't let the man that treats her wrong go.  If its not Mary J. Blige's song "Mr. Wrong" or Jeezy's hit song "Leave You Alone", its another declaration that somehow, women are not strong enough to let go of a BAD THING because the love is so GOOD.  Where did us women get things so misconstrued along the way that we become gluttons for punishment and began to believe that because he makes us feel good in the bedroom, or can possibly deliver emotional feelings for the moment, that he deserves our time or effort?  Why do we as women overlook good men that don't necessarily fit the persona of the man that we think we want and need, that can actually treat us right and do good by us? Instead, we stick around with the players, pimps, or simply, the "emotionally unavailable" men. WHY?

Its not like these types of men show up out of nowhere and don't reveal their true selves from the beginning.  Their aura and persona shines just as brightly as their pearly whites and bulging muscles, and quite often, bulging pockets.  Us as women know what these men are about via our initial attraction to them.  The attraction is electric and cosmic.  The cocky glance and stare get us every time and all of a sudden, splash, our panties are wet with excitement.  Sadly, too often we get the short end of the stick and I'm not talking about their penis size, because usually, that's all they have to offer in the love department.  There is never a real chance at commitment or vulnerability, just a bravado that dares us to leave them, and if we do, they're on to the next leaving us torn and tattered in the aftermath.

Lyrics from Mary J. Blige's "Mr. Wrong":

Bad boys aint no good

Good boys aint no fun

Lord knows that I should

Run off with the right one

 

[Chorus]

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)

Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr Mister Wrong

 

Even if I try, no, I never could

Give him up cause his loves like that

Aint no way that I'm moving on

I love my Mr Wrong

How many times must we go through the same thing before we truly realize what is important in love and relationships?  When will we consider loving Mr. Right instead of Mr. Wrong?  When will we love ourselves enough to stop the pattern of self sabotage and self defeat regarding matters of the heart and start fresh with a focused and clear head?  All I know is I can't stand to listen to another woman sing about setting herself up for pain and regret, because she can't see past his huge and tantalizing package, as illusive as it may be.

I'm waiting for the day when the way a man makes us feel physically will always match up with our emotional wants and needs and until that day, we will never truly find true fulfillment in love.  I have been guilty of the aforementioned myself at times, which is why I say "we" and "us".  Its now time for the curse to be broken and for us to break the shackles of the love spell, which we will soon begin to realize, was never really love at all.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you know a woman that always falls in love with Mr. Wrong? Are you one of them?
What about Mr. Wrong attracts you and keeps you coming back for more?
Do you wish you could leave him, but simply don't feel strong enough?
Do you believe you deserve a good man aka Mr. Right?

I would love for the men to chime in as well:
Are you Mr. Right and you constantly get overlooked by women for Mr. Wrong?
Do you find that women say they want a good man, but really chase the bad boys?
As Mr. Right, have you ever contemplated playing the bad guy role to make a chick interested in you?
Do you think good guys ultimately finish last when it comes to love and relationships?

Do Short Men Have More Confidence Than Tall Men?

I am a tall woman standing approximately 5'11 and I find that I am often greeted and courted by shorter men, much more often than I am by taller men.  You would think that it would be easy for me to find a 6+ footer, but it seems as though all I get approached by is shorter men.  A man recently asked me if short men approach me more than tall men and I definitely told him my experience proved that shorter men approach me more.  I asked him why is that and he explained that shorter men like a challenge.  They like the vote of confidence they get when they can pull or attract a taller woman.  He also explained that tall men don't go after tall women because they are not secure enough within themselves to handle a woman of that stature.  On the contrary, you would think that would be the answer for the shorter guys, right?

I'm sure taller women are used to getting approached by men shorter than them and often hear pickup lines like, "We're all the same height lying down." or "You're a tall glass of water." or even better yet, my favorite, "You're a tall tree that I'd like to climb"...*eye roll*.  More important to me than the actual occurrence is the reason behind it.  Are tall women just trophies that short men use to boost their ego?  Are taller men intimidated by women that stand closer to them in height and would rather date a smaller chick to boost their egos and make them feel like "the man"?

We've seen several cases of this in Hollywood with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, as well as, Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons

All of this ego boosting and opposites attracting is just too much.  Isn't it harder to kiss a guy if he's 6'5 and you're 5'5? Wouldn't shorter guys look better with short women and taller men better with taller women?  In a perfect world I'm sure this would be the norm, but in our society, things seem to be switched when it comes to the extreme sides of this spectrum.  So my question is, are shorter guys really more confident or are they using this lack of confidence to fuel their "Napoleon complex"?  Do taller guys shy away from taller women whom they are not able to dominate as easily as, lets say, a shorter chick?  I want the feedback from the fellas and the ladies on this one, short and tall and everywhere in between!!!! :-)

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a taller chick that always gets approached by shorter dudes?
As a taller man, do you prefer a woman that is much closer to you in height or much shorter?
As a shorter man, do you prefer taller chicks and why?
As a taller woman, would you prefer to date taller guys, but find that there is a shortage of taller men that are attracted to you?
As a taller woman, are you comfortable with dating a guy shorter than you?

Are Women The Only Ones With The Emotions?

I received a lot of feedback from my post last week regarding relationships Is The Chase Dead In Modern day Relationships.  Thinking about the current dating market, in Los Angeles at least, I decided the topic of relationships might need to be explored a little more.  As I was thinking about what to write, the word "emotions" came to mind and specifically, who has them, who exercises them and who hates them?  Off the top of my head I can recall countless times men have told me that women are too emotional.  That they use their hearts instead of the heads and that women operate off of emotion, whereas men operate off of logic. *side eye*

When you think about the experience or expression of "emotions" its kind of hard to think that only women have emotions in romantic relationships.  I mean, we're all human, all have pretty much the same make up as human beings, and we all seem to strive for common goals: happiness, pleasure, success, self-assurance, etc.  So how could only one sex experience and utilize their emotions?  Forgive me for my ignorance, but aren't all humans, for the most part, capable of feeling and expressing emotions?  So why when it comes to love, which is one of the most emotional activities in life that one can engage in, are women the only ones using them, or even acknowledging that they exist?

Perhaps this is a little to psychological for you all, but the debate over nature vs. nurture is a never-ending one.  However, I bring up the concept of nature vs. nurture because perhaps men (or young boys) start off using their emotions ie. crying, displaying sadness or disappointment, but are quickly told by their parents to "suck it up", "boys don't cry" or to "wipe their tears and man up".  Maybe this is why men are so adverse to using expressing their emotions when it comes to matters of the heart.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that women are the only ones who experience and feel the need to express emotions, but in my dealings with men, it almost feels like I'm trying to pull teeth to get a man to express his emotions as freely as I do.  I know, I know, I've had much more practice, but why is it such a big deal to express emotions that one has to keep them bottled up inside?  And we wonder why some men have issues with aggression.  Is it not manly to show that your feelings are hurt, someone disappointed you, or perhaps, that you (men) actually care about more than busting a nut?

It seems that men only express emotions when they are forced to and their backs are against the wall.  Why do relationships have to come to extremes in order for a man to express he is "feeling" something.  Now don't get me wrong.  Women are definitely emotional creatures, at some times, to our detriment and we all must learn to balance it.  So I guess its safe to say that both parties have some work to do when it comes to this topic if we are ever going to meet in the middle and achieve balance in our relationships. 

Sidebar: Someone recently expressed to me that my relationship posts are a bit one-sided and I have taken note of this and promise to have some female bashing posts for you men, lol, but first things first...

I would love to hear from the fellas on this!!!!

Do you think that men experience emotions and often do not express them?
Do you find yourself holding your tongue or not expressing your true emotions for fear of not being "manly"?
Do men really react strictly from logic as they say or are they just not experienced in exercising their emotions?

I would love your feedback.....WEIGH IN!

Is The Chase Dead In Modern Day Relationships?

It seems to me that the young men and women of today are totally jaded when it comes to relationships, commitment and marriage.  So jaded that no one really takes the time to get to know someone new for fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.  I've even heard men go so far as to say that they don't like to "date" women because it costs too much money and women don't appreciate it half the time.  Most "dates" don't end up with anything real or worthwhile, which I understand, but are we so far advanced that romance and "the chase" are obsolete in order to fuel new relationships?

In the good 'ol days, men would "court" or "chase" a woman he was interested in.  He would wine and dine her and treat her like a gentlemen would a lady.  Now all I hear about is men wanting to rent a video, come over and the woman prepare a home-cooked meal.  I know times are hard, but damn, we can't go see a matinee?

I sit back and wonder where did this dating mentality come from?  What did I miss?  Are there no women out there worthy of being wined and dined?  Is going out on dates to get to know a person obsolete these days?  I guess too many songs talking about "bitches aint shit" and "never trust a hoe" have finally rubbed off on the consciousness of our generation. *sigh*

To get on the topic of marriage shows an even more bleak situation.  Not only are people genuinely distrustful of the opposite sex, unwilling to "court" or "chase" a woman, but they seem to have also given up entirely on the idea of marriage.  Most men I talk to see no point in marriage and feel it is an antiquated institution.  With so many failing marriages and the backlash of nasty divorces played out every day in the media and in our everyday lives, I understand the lack of faith from my generation. However, a lot of the people who say they will never get married come from parents who have successful marriages. *confused*

I guess my point is since when was it not cool to date or chase (court) after a woman? Are our egos too bruised and our hearts too deflated to really believe in the concept of true love and hold fast to values like commitment and marriage?  If the answer is yes, I am very concerned for our present and future generations.  I can see it now...a bunch of lonely men and women who have no concept of commitment and what a real relationship is all about.  Trust, honesty, loyalty and most of all, sticktoitiveness (is that a word?).  If there is nothing out there to fight for or chase after, then what are we all doing with our lives?  What's the point?

I would love for my readers to WEIGH IN!
Do you believe in chasing or courting a woman? Why or why not?
Do you believe in the institution of marriage?
Are you against taking women out on dates? If so, why?

Good Guys vs. Bad Boys

I would venture to say that in the area of love, we as individuals feel like we usually get the short end of the stick.  For some reason, as a recent friend put it, "we chase after the ones who aren't interested and shun the ones who actually love our dirty drawers."  I hear men complain about this to me all the time.

Women complain that they can't get a good man while all along there are good men on the side lines who are saying these same women that say they can't find a good man are the same women passing them over.  It's really enough to make your head spin.  How can these self proclaimed "good" men and women's wires be so crossed? One would think that these men and women would be matches made in heaven.

But here is a bit of not so common knowledge; Women seek stability, a protector and provider.  In realistic terms that means we want someone who can help us out financially from time to time, someone who can knock a nukka out and at the same time will make us feel happy and content...not complacent.  A good guy can usually be 1 or 2 of these things, but usually can't cover all 3 bases. 

If you're not already confused, let's put the "good man's" worst enemy the "thug" or the "bad boy" into the relationship mix.  The "thug" or "bad boy" is the "good man's" arch nemesis.  If the good man is Super Man then the thug is Lex Luther.  And the woman would of course be the cryptonite. When it comes to the "thug" who is actually what I like to call the new age "alpha male" they usually fit 1 of the female's core necessities in relationships, which often leave women disoriented and ultimately unable to achieve that "perfect man" she always envisioned in her dreams.  No wonder so many of us find ourselves single and on the wrong side of true love.

I am in no way a relationship expert, but it seems that the old adage is true; Opposites do attract.  The question is...are these opposites necessarily soul mates or shall we say it, built to last?  Statistics show thats probably not the case.  We as humans always seem to seek things outside ourselves. Fresh, new, and different people and experiences make us feel all giddy inside. Unfortunately, these experiences usually leave us beaten and battered in this game called love.

What I'm starting to realize is that both these "good men" and "good women" need to realize that there is no perfect man or woman out there waiting for them.  However, there is someone that is willing and able to provide at least 2 of our 3 core necessities in relationships and we need to be learn what it is more important in life and be happy with that.

So where is the happy medium? Where things aren't so black and white and opposites can live happily ever after? How can we find that grey area where we can have our cake and eat it too? ;-) I really wish I had the answer, but if I did I probably wouldn't be writing this here blog. What I can say is let's not be so picky people.  Lets prioritize what truly makes us happy before it's too late and we kiss our 75% of happiness away for 25% of complacency.  And to use two popular cliches about life, "the grass is not always greener on the other side" and "if it don't make dollas it don't make sense."

Now it's time for you to weigh in. Share your thoughts...

Woman to Woman: What Would You Do?

I know we've all heard this song and some of us have even been in this predicament at one point or another.  My question is what would you do if a woman called you and asked you if you were seeing "her" boyfriend, husband, etc.?  What would you say? How would you handle it? Would you tell her the truth or would you tell her not to call your phone anymore?

From the male perspective I'm wondering if men do this too.  Has a man ever called you and asked if you were dating his girlfriend or wife?  What is the "man law" in situations as this?

Do tell...