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May 18, 2011

Good Guys vs. Bad Boys

I would venture to say that in the area of love, we as individuals feel like we usually get the short end of the stick.  For some reason, as a recent friend put it, "we chase after the ones who aren't interested and shun the ones who actually love our dirty drawers."  I hear men complain about this to me all the time.

Women complain that they can't get a good man while all along there are good men on the side lines who are saying these same women that say they can't find a good man are the same women passing them over.  It's really enough to make your head spin.  How can these self proclaimed "good" men and women's wires be so crossed? One would think that these men and women would be matches made in heaven.

But here is a bit of not so common knowledge; Women seek stability, a protector and provider.  In realistic terms that means we want someone who can help us out financially from time to time, someone who can knock a nukka out and at the same time will make us feel happy and content...not complacent.  A good guy can usually be 1 or 2 of these things, but usually can't cover all 3 bases. 

If you're not already confused, let's put the "good man's" worst enemy the "thug" or the "bad boy" into the relationship mix.  The "thug" or "bad boy" is the "good man's" arch nemesis.  If the good man is Super Man then the thug is Lex Luther.  And the woman would of course be the cryptonite. When it comes to the "thug" who is actually what I like to call the new age "alpha male" they usually fit 1 of the female's core necessities in relationships, which often leave women disoriented and ultimately unable to achieve that "perfect man" she always envisioned in her dreams.  No wonder so many of us find ourselves single and on the wrong side of true love.

I am in no way a relationship expert, but it seems that the old adage is true; Opposites do attract.  The question is...are these opposites necessarily soul mates or shall we say it, built to last?  Statistics show thats probably not the case.  We as humans always seem to seek things outside ourselves. Fresh, new, and different people and experiences make us feel all giddy inside. Unfortunately, these experiences usually leave us beaten and battered in this game called love.

What I'm starting to realize is that both these "good men" and "good women" need to realize that there is no perfect man or woman out there waiting for them.  However, there is someone that is willing and able to provide at least 2 of our 3 core necessities in relationships and we need to be learn what it is more important in life and be happy with that.

So where is the happy medium? Where things aren't so black and white and opposites can live happily ever after? How can we find that grey area where we can have our cake and eat it too? ;-) I really wish I had the answer, but if I did I probably wouldn't be writing this here blog. What I can say is let's not be so picky people.  Lets prioritize what truly makes us happy before it's too late and we kiss our 75% of happiness away for 25% of complacency.  And to use two popular cliches about life, "the grass is not always greener on the other side" and "if it don't make dollas it don't make sense."

Now it's time for you to weigh in. Share your thoughts...


  1. i think its more a case of what appeals to each individual. and that a lot of us are not great judges as far as what makes a good match for us..

  2. I don't think it's an issue of necessarily being too picky. I think a lot of us care more about looks, cars, cash, & clothes, than what the person is about inside. Unfortunately, because we dismiss people because of outward appearances, we rarely glimpse the character of the person and we possibly miss out on some worthwhile relationships.

  3. Lizzy you took the words right out of my mouth!!!


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