Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Therapy

Well, Mona Scott-Young has brought us the juiciest reality show known to man and it is quickly becoming America's favorite guilty pleasure viewing choice.  Last night's episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was outrageous, touching, intriguing and a *side eye* factor all at the same damn time.  We saw Mimi and Stevie J attempt to bring some sanity to their interactions by speaking to a clinical psychologist.  Although he is the therapist from the infamous Maury Povich daytime talk show, he quickly got to the core of Mimi and Stevie's issues and helped them open up about their pasts.  Knowing now that Stevie J was abandoned by his mother at birth sheds a lot of light as to his faulty dealings with the women in his life and Mimi's Mommy issues also lend to her need to keep Stevie J around.  I'm proud to see Vh1 showing the importance of therapy in this positive light and how it can help heal open wounds.  More couples should be as brave and courageous as Stevie and Mimi...kudos to them.

Scrappy was up to his old shady ways trying to plan and plot a strategy to get off child support.  I understand many young males of color don't like the system/government in their "business", but why is there a need to pay for expensive lawyers if you're planning on paying the child support anyway?  Sounds kind of backwards to me, but I hope him and Erica figure it out.  Although Side Chick Buckey (from Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love dating show) is conniving and ratchet, she has a little bit of sense and may be able to help guide Scrappy to the right course of action.

Joseline aka The Side Chick is quickly claiming her personal power and slowly cutting the strong ties that Stevie J bonds her with.  Sleazy, I mean, Stevie J is quick to always remind her that he will exile her from the music industry and send her packing all her thongs, back to the strip club, but his threats are starting to wear thin on the poor child.  I'm not sure how the season will end between Joseline and her "man-ager", but Lord knows something needs to change.

Benzino and Karlie Redd are just too much and I am really trying to figure out if this is a publicity stunt on both sides to improve their images.  Visions of Benzino figuratively running through The Source magazine offices smacking ass and going under skirts comes to mind (this is not fact), but he now is showing his soft and human side while around Karlie as he spoils her and lavishes her with gifts and attention.  I really can't be mad at the brother though; He's very charming and convincing.

At times I think that Mimi, Stevie, Joseline, Karlie and K. Michelle, who is such a talented artist, are all just great actors, but then I realize that Love & Hip Hop is so ratchet, ignorant, hilarious, addicting and ridiculous that I think to myself, you just can't write stuff like this. 

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Who is your favorite character on LHHATL and why?
Do you feel bad for Mimi?
Does Karlie Redd seem sincere?
Who do you dislike the most on the show?

Drake & Kendrick Lamar: You Changed!!!!

Drake and Kendrick Lamar are two rappers that I was listening to before they got BIG, so to speak.  Its been bugging me for sometime now that I'm noticing the changes in their content and persona, now that they've signed on to major record labels with Drake at Cash Money and Lamar at Aftermath.  When Drake first came out he was much more earthy and sensitive and his content was much more "girl friendly", which is what initially attracted me to him.  Kendrick also seemed to be more of a conscious rapper before he teamed up with Dr. Dre to produce his recent musical efforts.

In my humble opinion, Drake signing with Cash Money may have skyrocketed him to super stardom and gained him millions of fans throughout the world, but as far as his musical content, I think it might be the worse decision he ever made.  When Drake was set to go pro (sign on to a major label) there was a bidding war between all of the top labels so he pretty much had the ability to pick and choose who he would officially start his professional career with.  Many artists are not as privileged to be at the center of a bidding war and able to decisively choose the right fit for what they are seeking to accomplish in their musical career.  When I initially heard that Drake had chosen to sign with Cash Money I was weary of what it might mean for his image and sound.  Well, so far, Drake has gone from the sensitive, introspective and seemingly "harmless" Jewish boy from Canada to a bottle slinging, gun toting, entourage accompanying, tough guy that threatens other rappers and dares them to throw rocks at the Cash Money throne. *sigh*

Kendrick Lamar was also a unique and artistic rapper that seemed to shun record industry standards with musical content and artistry that dared to be different and dare I say it, conscious.  If you know the West Coast music industry well, you are well aware that it is very rare to see an artist come from the West Coast that is not a gangsta from Compton or Watts and/or a blood or crip.  Its almost as if Snoop Dogg branded our side to damnation, as record labels refuse to produce any artists that do not fit this stagnant gangsta/thug prototype.  At first, Kendrick was a breath of fresh air, and he still is, but I am wondering just how much Dr. Dre's influence will deter him from his roots of uniqueness.  At first Lamar was beckoning ladies to tear down their masks in "No Makeup" off his "Section 80" mixtape, where he proclaimed:

Damn girl, why so much?
You bout to blow your cover when you cover up
Don’t you know your imperfections
Is a wonderful blessing
From heaven, is where you got it from
I love your smile
You can do it without style
From your lips, all the way to your eyebrows
It’s the beauty in her
But when the makeup occur
I don’t see it, all I see is a blur

Now, I hear Lamar taking on the bad boy/playa role with lyrics like:

My nigga said he wanna fly out to get him some
3ws only for a three day run
Bitch, take the muthaf--king panties off you ain't no nun, shit
I be living in the sky every time i ride by them hoes

The lyrics above are from his debut single, "The Recipe" featuring Dr. Dre where he explains the top 3 reasons why people come to Los Angeles/Cali, which are "women, weed and weather".  This tone of lyrics is a far cry from the newcomer that once talked about the trials and tribulations of growing up in the hood, political activism, the importance of being yourself, etc. etc.  I am in no way saying that Lamar has done a complete 180 on his former views and lyrical content, but one can only wonder if his inner voice will be watered down to package him for the Hip Hop community the way that only Dr. Dre can.

Please don't get me wrong because I still love these two dudes' music and I salute their artistic capabilities.  I just hope that in selling their music through a major label distributor that they don't sell their souls.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Have you noticed that once independent artists sign onto major record labels that their creative control has diminished?
Have you heard the differences in lyrical content from before Drake and Kendrick Lamar were signed to majors?
Are you no longer a fan of Drake's after he signed with Cash Money Records?
Do you see a change in Kendrick Lamar's lyrical content?

I Love My Mister Wrong

It seems that every other R&B or Hip Hop song on the radio is about a woman who can't let the man that treats her wrong go.  If its not Mary J. Blige's song "Mr. Wrong" or Jeezy's hit song "Leave You Alone", its another declaration that somehow, women are not strong enough to let go of a BAD THING because the love is so GOOD.  Where did us women get things so misconstrued along the way that we become gluttons for punishment and began to believe that because he makes us feel good in the bedroom, or can possibly deliver emotional feelings for the moment, that he deserves our time or effort?  Why do we as women overlook good men that don't necessarily fit the persona of the man that we think we want and need, that can actually treat us right and do good by us? Instead, we stick around with the players, pimps, or simply, the "emotionally unavailable" men. WHY?

Its not like these types of men show up out of nowhere and don't reveal their true selves from the beginning.  Their aura and persona shines just as brightly as their pearly whites and bulging muscles, and quite often, bulging pockets.  Us as women know what these men are about via our initial attraction to them.  The attraction is electric and cosmic.  The cocky glance and stare get us every time and all of a sudden, splash, our panties are wet with excitement.  Sadly, too often we get the short end of the stick and I'm not talking about their penis size, because usually, that's all they have to offer in the love department.  There is never a real chance at commitment or vulnerability, just a bravado that dares us to leave them, and if we do, they're on to the next leaving us torn and tattered in the aftermath.

Lyrics from Mary J. Blige's "Mr. Wrong":

Bad boys aint no good

Good boys aint no fun

Lord knows that I should

Run off with the right one

 

[Chorus]

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)

Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr Mister Wrong

 

Even if I try, no, I never could

Give him up cause his loves like that

Aint no way that I'm moving on

I love my Mr Wrong

How many times must we go through the same thing before we truly realize what is important in love and relationships?  When will we consider loving Mr. Right instead of Mr. Wrong?  When will we love ourselves enough to stop the pattern of self sabotage and self defeat regarding matters of the heart and start fresh with a focused and clear head?  All I know is I can't stand to listen to another woman sing about setting herself up for pain and regret, because she can't see past his huge and tantalizing package, as illusive as it may be.

I'm waiting for the day when the way a man makes us feel physically will always match up with our emotional wants and needs and until that day, we will never truly find true fulfillment in love.  I have been guilty of the aforementioned myself at times, which is why I say "we" and "us".  Its now time for the curse to be broken and for us to break the shackles of the love spell, which we will soon begin to realize, was never really love at all.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you know a woman that always falls in love with Mr. Wrong? Are you one of them?
What about Mr. Wrong attracts you and keeps you coming back for more?
Do you wish you could leave him, but simply don't feel strong enough?
Do you believe you deserve a good man aka Mr. Right?

I would love for the men to chime in as well:
Are you Mr. Right and you constantly get overlooked by women for Mr. Wrong?
Do you find that women say they want a good man, but really chase the bad boys?
As Mr. Right, have you ever contemplated playing the bad guy role to make a chick interested in you?
Do you think good guys ultimately finish last when it comes to love and relationships?

How To Rise Up In The Company

I'm always weary of giving advice for something I'm not quite qualified to give, but I definitely wanted to share some helpful tips on how to move up in your current position with your company or organization, as I've had mucho success with these few tactics put into action.  As I said in a previous post about my mother, she taught me life skills like essay writing, interview tips, how to dress for success and how to move up in your company or current position.  If there is anyone who can show you the ropes of how to move up quickly in a company, its her and I would like to share some of her many tips for success, along with a few I've picked up along the way, with you all, my BornTooBlog readers.

First things first, you MUST dress for success.  Always be mindful of the dress code and culture of your company, but dress UP, not down.  Just because your peers rock t-shirts and chucks does not mean you can't wear a dress shirt with khakis or slacks.  Yes, you might get teased or ridiculed for dressing better than your peers, but believe me when I say, the higher ups will take notice.  I'm sure we've all heard that saying, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

Secondly, when you first begin your position, you must realize that the word "No" shouldn't be in your vocabulary for at least 6 months to a year or more.  Remember, this is your time to prove yourself.  Everyone is watching you and seeing if you will sink or swim, so never turn down a task because it is out of your purview or job description.  Managers love employees that are dependable and will accomplish a task that no one wanted, with a smile.  Look at it this way, if you are able to complete tasks that are above and beyond your call of duty, your boss will be even more inclined to give you tasks and responsibilities that are more and more distinguished, which can transition into a promotion.  Also, being a "complainer" is a no no.  No one wants to deal with a whistle blower so choose your battles wisely.

Never go the caddy route and talk or gossip with your peers.  Believe me, the higher ups know who are the troublemakers and who is spreading rumors or gossip.  These people are the last ones to get promoted.  Its always cool to have friends throughout the organization, as it can benefit you in many ways, but don't get labeled as a troublemaker just because you hang with one.  Be mindful of who you spend your time with and never vent to your peers about your boss or any other people in positions of power because it can and will come back to bite you.

Respect the chain of command at all times.  Going over someone's head to the wrong person in regards to a sticky issue can be career suicide.  Always be mindful of the proper channels to resolve issues, accomplish tasks and what to communicate to whom.  Confidentiality is of utmost importance in many organizations.  If your boss sees that you can keep a secret, he/she will likely tell you more and more secrets, which ultimately will increase your worth in the company.

Make yourself as indispensable as possible.  The more tasks you take on that nobody wants, the more you increase your job security.  If you are the only one with the code to an account or the only one who knows how to perform a certain task, your odds of getting canned lessen significantly.

Getting involved with the company outside of work can do wonders for relations between you and high-level managers.  If the CEO loves to play tennis or the company has a softball team and the top manager just so happens to be the coach or team captain, get involved and forge those relationships outside of work.  This type of initiative can help tremendously when you are up for a certain position against another colleague that might not have forged the same relationships that you have.  If push comes to shove, they will think of the person they are closest to, get along with, or share the same goals/mission for the company.

All of the aforementioned techniques are very important, but nothing screams "I want to move up in this company" more than being in the know about what positions are coming up for hire or restructuring and applying for those positions that you know you will be a great fit for.  If you want to move up, you have to be serious about where you want to go and how you want to get there.  If you know you would be good for a certain position, do your research about the requirements for that position and what skills, degrees or certifications are necessary to even be considered.

Being a self-advocate can be one of your greatest strengths.  Whenever necessary, let those in positions of power know what skills you have outside of your current position.  If you mentioned in passing that you have a background in marketing, managers will keep this in mind and pull you in when they need your expertise.  When this moment comes, it is truly your time to shine.

Applying these tactics are almost sure to lead you to upward mobility, but remember, your skills and what you bring to the table must be more valuable than the position you are currently in, in order to move up.  It takes time, dedication and steadfastness and also a company that encourages promoting from within.  Building and harnessing relationships with key individuals and managers is priceless on your quest to moving up the ladder.  Stay confident while consistently increasing your personal and professional worth.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Were any of the tips helpful to you?
Have you had experience with some of the techniques mentioned above? Did these tactics hurt or help you in your quest to move up in your company?
What advice would you add to the tips above?

My 31 Years On This Earth...

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned that money isn't everything; that love conquers all and true friends are hard to come by.
I've learned that success comes from hard work, focus and fortitude.  The ability to go the distance and do what you love and are good at.
I've learned that if you put God and your family first, you can't lose.
I've learned that actions speak louder than words and your word is your bond.
I've learned to tune out the naysayers.
I've learned to exclude negative people, thoughts and decisions from my life.
I've learned that true passion comes with a purpose!

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned to love myself more than I love anyone or anything.
I've learned that fear and self-doubt are the enemy to my progression and the antagonist to my goals.
I've learned to have an open heart, eyes, ears, and mind.
I've learned to laugh at myself and not take things too seriously.
I've learned to plan for the future, but live in the NOW!
I've learned that whatever you do in this life comes back to you, good or bad.
I've learned to keep fighting, even when I feel like giving up.
I've learned to forgive.

During My 31 Years On This Earth...

I've learned to trust the power of the universe and to seek beauty through any and everything.
I've learned that everything isn't black and white.
I've learned to stand on my convictions and speak my truth, no matter who disagrees.
I've learned to be me to the fullest extent, but to balance my personality traits around others.
I've learned that traveling to other places can expand your horizons and lift your spirit and teach you things you can't learn in a classroom or a book.
I've learned that treating people the way you want to be treated is indeed...THE GOLDEN RULE!!!
I've learned that at the end of the day, no one is stopping you, but YOU!

I have so much more to learn and am thankful for the opportunity to do so.  I pray that my words reach at least one person in a positive/progressive manner and that I leave a mark on this world, before it all is said and done.

Maya Nichelle
BornTooBlog

P.S. I've learned that I was BORN TO BLOG........Thanks for reading!