It seems to me that the young men and women of today are totally jaded when it comes to relationships, commitment and marriage. So jaded that no one really takes the time to get to know someone new for fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. I've even heard men go so far as to say that they don't like to "date" women because it costs too much money and women don't appreciate it half the time. Most "dates" don't end up with anything real or worthwhile, which I understand, but are we so far advanced that romance and "the chase" are obsolete in order to fuel new relationships?
In the good 'ol days, men would "court" or "chase" a woman he was interested in. He would wine and dine her and treat her like a gentlemen would a lady. Now all I hear about is men wanting to rent a video, come over and the woman prepare a home-cooked meal. I know times are hard, but damn, we can't go see a matinee?
I sit back and wonder where did this dating mentality come from? What did I miss? Are there no women out there worthy of being wined and dined? Is going out on dates to get to know a person obsolete these days? I guess too many songs talking about "bitches aint shit" and "never trust a hoe" have finally rubbed off on the consciousness of our generation. *sigh*
To get on the topic of marriage shows an even more bleak situation. Not only are people genuinely distrustful of the opposite sex, unwilling to "court" or "chase" a woman, but they seem to have also given up entirely on the idea of marriage. Most men I talk to see no point in marriage and feel it is an antiquated institution. With so many failing marriages and the backlash of nasty divorces played out every day in the media and in our everyday lives, I understand the lack of faith from my generation. However, a lot of the people who say they will never get married come from parents who have successful marriages. *confused*
I guess my point is since when was it not cool to date or chase (court) after a woman? Are our egos too bruised and our hearts too deflated to really believe in the concept of true love and hold fast to values like commitment and marriage? If the answer is yes, I am very concerned for our present and future generations. I can see it now...a bunch of lonely men and women who have no concept of commitment and what a real relationship is all about. Trust, honesty, loyalty and most of all, sticktoitiveness (is that a word?). If there is nothing out there to fight for or chase after, then what are we all doing with our lives? What's the point?
I would love for my readers to WEIGH IN!
Do you believe in chasing or courting a woman? Why or why not?
Do you believe in the institution of marriage?
Are you against taking women out on dates? If so, why?
Maya, this was the 1st blog I ever read of yours. It is very good...and its true. Relationships have gone left. Its sad...and I do think most that end up married only want the glam aspect anyway...cause I don't see many who honor their vows or fight to keep the marriage going, they just give up. People ask me as a wedding planner how come I'm not married? I simple say, its no time for me yet! Cause when I do...that's it. So if I'm 40, 50, or 60...I will know when its my time.
ReplyDeleteMaya,
ReplyDeleteI like many women and men do believe in marriage and commitment. I also believe that the state of relationships today are just a sign of the times. Many women don't realize that the way you start a relationship many times dictates how it evolves...meaning that instead of kickin' it at home and watchin' a video, the first date should be out somewhere and that doesn't mean it has to be expensive.
Women are afraid not to jump into bed on the first date for fear they won't be able to hold onto a man, when unfortunately, men still don't marry those girls.
I am no expert on the dating scene, however, I do know that we must respect ourselves before a man will. I also know that taking time to get to know someone still pays off in a myriad of ways.
Soooo many thoughts on this topic.
ReplyDeleteRegarding Dating:
Men are tired of being used and belittled and I don't blame them. Just as much as you hear men yelling "I am tired of paying for these chicks" women are yelling "I don't need a man I got my own"
I am a firm believer of meeting in the middle. First date with my husband he took care of second date was on me. He proved himself to be the man of our future home and I proved to be the women.
Regarding Marriage:
Times are different now: men being raised by super hero single moms who do EVERYTHING for them and women being raised my super hero male bashing mothers.
Women stop dating men who turn their nose up to marriage. Ask him first date... "what are your thoughts on marriage?" If he says hell no then let that be that... Don't waste your time and then have resentments 5 years in and you still haven't gotten your ring.