Fatherless Children...An American Epidemic

I recently caught up on a series on Oprah's "Life Class" recently featured on her OWN Network.  Bishop T.D. Jakes lead the class in a serious discussion about fatherless children.  Oprah revealed a surprising statistic that 1 in 3 children in America are fatherless.  It is because this very reason why I referred to this occurrence as an "epidemic" in the title of this post.  The urban community knows all too well the reality of growing up fatherless.  I endured 6 years of my adolescence without my father present so I know what it feels like to not have your father in your life.  Fortunately, my father came back and fought for me and our relationship and today I can say I am very happy with the relationship we currently have.  Unfortunately, many others aren't so lucky.  One of the most beautiful parts about the series is the understanding that it is never too late to develop a father-child relationship, no matter what you've been through.

We only have one father in this life and often times, negative circumstances get in the way of us enjoying positive and fruitful relationships with our fathers.  I've written before about fatherless children and the painful dynamics that this experience can create in one's life on this blog: Where's Daddy?.  Bishop T.D. Jakes pinpointed several things that I think might help my @BornTooBlog readers in this situation. 

Jakes made sure to impress the importance of understanding that like the fatherless children, their fathers have more than likely experienced some kind of trauma or lack of in their lives concerning their own parents.  Many times when you look at fathers who aren't present in their children's lives, if you dig deeper, you find a man that did not have a father or who's father was abusive or had a negative impact on them in some way.  Jakes explained that realizing this as a child can help facilitate understanding among both parties and can actually lessen the guilt of the absentee father.  He calls this "understanding the wounds of your father".

"I think once we let go of our ideas, our fantasies of what things could have been like and embrace what they are like, it gives both the father and the son a feeling of being accepted for where I am."

- Bishop Jakes

 



Jakes also emphasized that once you do gain the courage as an absentee father to reenter your child's life in an effort to rebuild that broken relationship, you must "court your child" by establishing a foundation for your love and respect to grow on.  I hear too many times that fathers who weren't there in the beginning come back trying to discipline their children off the bat or never even address the issues that led to their absence prior to trying to reestablish a relationship.  This can often create further resentment and stop the reconciliation efforts in their tracks.  Although the entire experience can be frightening to a father that is trying to reconnect with his children, the children are often just as afraid of rejection as their absent fathers.  So now we have common fears, emotions and quite possibly, a shared childhood experience that can facilitate growth and understanding.

"The father has to create a floor for the son's love to stand on because he and his son don't share the strong foundation of memories father-son relationships require."

"Parenting is something that doesn't come with a textbook. You learn as you go. And I think sometimes we're so afraid that we're not going to do it right that we don't do it at all."

- Bishop Jakes



I've written previously on how some mothers use their children as bargaining tools or as T.D. Jakes calls it, a "switch" to abuse the father with.  Jakes further pointed out that when you use a "switch" to hit someone with, the switch (aka the child) gets broken and wore down in the process as well.  I always told myself that if I had a child and me and the father were no longer together that I would never stop him from seeing our child because he was unable or unwilling to pay child support.  I made this commitment to myself because it is very rare that I hear children complain about their relationships with their fathers due to lack of financial support.  What I hear the most is usually a child reliving the pain of their parent(s) not being there as a support system when it comes to school, sporting events or momentous occasions in a child's life like graduation, the birth of a child, and so on. Jakes encouraged all fatherless children to "leave the door open" for their fathers should they gain the courage to come back into their child's life.

Ultimately, it takes a lot of dedication, determination and communication in order to build/rebuild the trust and bond between a father that was once absent and the child they left behind.  However, if we are only blessed with one mother and one father, what could it hurt to try and reconcile and build a relationship when given the ability and chance?  Children must learn to forgive and open themselves up to allow the process to begin and fathers must take the first step and keeping making steps towards resolution.  Mothers must be a positive support system that helps facilitate the process and should never deter their children from reconnecting with their fathers unless they are a threat to their well being.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Are you a fatherless child?
Is the father of your child absent in your child's life?
Are you a father who has attempted to reconnect with your child?  What has been the most difficult issue to overcome?
Are you a fatherless child success story?  What helped you and your father or you and your child reconnect against all odds?

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Why Do Men Have Kids By Women They Don't Like?

Men having children by women they can't stand is no new occurrence or phenomenon.  Sure there are plenty of parents that were in love when they conceived their children, and later, due to unforeseen circumstances, fell out of love.  But what about the men who were never in love with the mothers of their children, yet consistently had unprotected sex with these women, knowing they would not get along in a parenting situation, or even worse, that they would be unfit mothers?  Who is holding these men responsible for planting seeds in women that they knew beyond the shadow of a doubt would make things hard when it came to seeing their child or would use the child as bait to get the things they want from the man?

I will give some the benefit of the doubt in saying that maybe the woman flipped once she found out she was pregnant or that the man didn't want to be with her, but many men knew the temperament and personality of the women they were having unprotected sex with and instead of "pulling out" or even better, wearing a condom, they chose to go all in.  Scratch that, how about choosing not to deal with women whom you have nothing in common with other than sex so things like this don't happen at all?  Does something happen when a man is inside a woman that doesn't allow him to restrain himself from ejaculating in her?  Does the woman's vagina have some sort of timed vice grip that holds the man inside her until he fertilizes her egg? Somebody help me out here.

It may seem like I'm being silly or funny, but I'm dead serious!!!  Why do men continuously impregnate women that they can't stand and have no possibility of having a future with outside of child support cases and birthday parties?  It seems to me if said men took a little time to think past their penis, they would be smarter when dealing with women where signs of negativity are already present.  A child is a lifetime responsibility and I'm sure many men regret that one fatal time where they let the vagina get the best of them.  Men want to be seen as so strong and macho, yet can't fight off a woman that means them no earthly good.  What's the point of having muscles and endurance if you can't fight off a lifetime of heartache and regret?

I think men need to think twice when having sex with ANY WOMAN that they deem is not mother or wifey material.  That way, they can lessen the chances of impregnating a woman that will literally suck the life out of them throughout the duration of their co-parenting of the child.

A Tribute To My Mother

I know I am a day late, but I definitely wanted to honor my mother for all that she has done.  My mother, Lizzetta Lebeau Douglas, has always been an inspiration to me.  As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be just like her.  She was the most beautiful woman in the world to me and also the smartest.  I could always catch her smiling, laughing, dancing and singing.  Always vibrant and on point. Always striving to be a better person.

There are so many positive things about my personality and the person I am that I can contribute to her.  As I often say, "I get it from my mama." My class, style, confidence, big heart and passionate persona has so much to do with her and the person she raised me to be.  There are so many things that my mother taught me throughout my 32 years on this earth and it would only be right for me to reiterate a few pivotal points, just to let her know I was listening. *smile*

She always taught me to do the best in everything I did and to finish what I started.  She taught me humility, the importance of speaking your mind, yet always respecting elders and people of authority.  School was always a priority and ever since I could remember, I knew my destiny was college.  In fact, living in Mrs. Douglas' household, you really didn't have a choice on whether you were going to college.  The plans had already been drawn up for you.  She taught me how to cook, clean, and take care of myself and she always stressed the importance of good hygiene and looking my best each and every day.

Throughout the years I've learned that its not only what you "teach" your children, but the example that you set for them through your actions that often determines which way they will go in life.  Along with my mother's strong faith and spirituality, she not only talked the talk, but walked the walk.  My mother always strived for personal achievement in her career as she was never satisfied with the status quo.  Every position she took she worked long, hard hours, did the necessary studying and whatever else was required to move up.  She taught me how to conduct myself on interviews, how to study and take tests and how to dress for success.  She taught me that it is never too late to live out your dreams as she went back to school to complete her undergraduate degree years after dropping out of UCLA before we were born.

Family and friends were always a big part of our lives.  We grew up with so many uncles, aunts, cousins, friends of the family, etc., that there was never a lack of love in the home, nor a lack of excitement. I would watch my mother in awe as she would play hostess to her many guests.  My mother's magnetic personality drew lots of characters to our house, many of whom I have learned so much from and have impacted my life in a profound way.  If anything, my party girl spirit definitely comes from her.  She could whip up the food and the drinks, play the music and lure everyone to the dance floor so effortlessly.  I just remembered being a little girl and wanting to be like her in so many ways.

I am just so thankful that the Lord blessed me with a mother like mine.  She was always loving and forgiving and one of the most giving people I know.  She would literally give you the shirt off her back, although she may have 30 more at home, its always the thought that counts {lol}.  I just hope she knows how much she's inspired me and how grateful I am to have her in my life.  She also did much of the things I speak of, on her own with little to no help. I love her dearly and nothing can ever come between a mother and her daughter and nothing ever will.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Did you spend Mother's Day with your mother?
Do you  routinely thank your mother for everything she's done for you?
If you are a mother yourself, what do you most want your children to learn before they reach adulthood?

The Value Series by Pat Parker: Knowing Your Worth

My great friend Kenya Kirkland of Something Old, Something New Boutique in Los Angeles, as well as, the head of the Sugar Scout Couture design house, hosted a motivational series at Jessica Matlock's ByBy Studio on La Cienega.  The series featured motivational speaker, Pat Parker, and her cues for determining, developing and exercising your worth.  The series is geared towards women, who are too often met with individuals who are constantly trying to diminish their value.  Pat even explained in the beginning of her talk that people will always try to lessen your value to get more bang for their buck in any situation.  Therefore, it is up to the individual to know their value and what they bring to the table and never settle for less.

The energy in the room was dynamic and progressive.  The lowly lit studio lights were dim and votive candles played the background as Ms. Parker stepped to the front of the group at center stage.  Attendees sipped on champagne and snacked on refreshments, as the group ranged from business owners, fashion designers, writers, stylists, makeup artists, and bloggers like me.  Overall, everyone was there to hear the words that we all believed would lead to a higher state of consciousness for ourselves and our journey.

Pat started off her talk by explaining that she was once a very successeful head hunter for many of the top grossing corporations today, which afforded her a very affluent lifestyle.  However, with the demise of the economy, she soon saw herself without a job or livelihood.  After she lost her job and her savings was later depleted, she realized that she no longer knew who she was or where her value lied.  All those years acquiring materials things, climbing the corporate ladder and meeting people in high places left her with nothing of substantial value when it was all said and done.

Pat Parker then realized she had hit rock bottom, or a "plateau" as she calls it, yet was determined to live her life in her true value, that which could never be stripped from her like her fancy car and clothes from before.  Pat focused on many things throughout the lecture, highlighting key influences in determining ones personal wealth.  Statements that really stuck out to me were:

"What you survive, you will teach."
"What image have you become invested in?"
"True value is what you know for sure."
"What’s in your way? What is standing in between you and the vision of your life?"
"You need a breakthrough!"
"If you’re not in the position to reach back and help someone, that means you’re in “survival mode” and you need to reposition yourself."
"There is value in your struggles."
"Motivation + Action = Change"

The overall understanding I garnered from the series is that you must determine your own true value, for you and walk, eat and live in that value and never take less than what you are worth, no matter what the circumstances are.  Also, there is nothing standing in your way, but you, so in order to create dynamic change in your life you must reevaluate all of your personal issues and BREAKTHROUGH from struggling and surviving in order to thrive.

Pat Parker also focused on living a purpose-filled life, which lends to your true value and fulfillment.  The combination of your past struggles, failures and successes has created a unique YOU. A being that no one can be or duplicate. A being that can lend and contribute to help those enduring the same circumstances that once held you captive to your true value and purpose.  It is only through helping others, through this very purpose, do you discover your true value and become a force of help and strength instead of a force of negativity or strife.  Yet through these experiences, we learn our true purpose as children of the higher being who has blessed us with these unique gifts and experiences that make us who we are.

At the end of the segment, we all wrote down our career goals, with our names and put them in a fish bowl.  This exercise was focused on networking and supporting each other in our goals.  We were all instructed to speak to that person's goal by referring them to someone that could help them or push their dreams to the next step.

Kenya concluded the series by saying something that really touched my heart and made me truly realize what a valuable friend she was.  She said "I know where I'm going and I want all of you to be there with me".  The realization that I have some pretty cool friends with a valuable network really and truly made my weekend and I am forever greatful that she thought to include me in the series.  I look forward to the next series that she is cooking up in getting closer to KNOWING my true value.

KNOW YOUR VALUE!!!!

Share your thoughts
Do you really know your true value?
Have others tried to devalue you, in order to get something from you?
Have you hit a "plateau"?
Are you fulfilled in your current position in life?
Are you struggling and surviving or thriving?
Do you need a breakthrough?
Were any of the words above helpful in your journey to discovering your true value?
Would you like to be invited to the next series?

No Justice, No Peace: The Tragic Murder of Trayvon Martin

It seems that ever so often, amid everyday occurrences of black on black shootings, killings, rapes and murders that an extreme occurrence of a racial incident reaches the front pages of our newspapers and news shows, and forces us to take a conscious look at our country, our society, and the justice system that governs it.  I usually don't write on politics because it is such a touchy and divisive subject, but my heart would not let me let this opportunity pass to spread awareness of such a heinous an unlawful crime.

On February 26, 2012, Trayvon Martin, a 17-year old Junior at Michael Krop Senior High School, was fatally shot when walking home from the 7-Eleven in the gated community where his father's girlfriend lived in Sanford, Florida.  Trayvon was identified to 911 as a suspicious character by George Zimmerman, the local neighborhood watchman.  Zimmerman contacted the authorities and described a young suspicious male walking through the community, whom he said was walking slowly in the rain with his hand in his waistband.

Ignoring the 911 Operator's instruction to wait on the authorities before approaching the young man, Zimmerman took matters into his own hands and followed Trayvon.  What Zimmerman didnt know was Trayvon was on the phone, in the rain, talking to his longtime girlfriend (whose identity is being withheld) who was describing the entire incident to her over his cell phone.  The girlfriend has been reported as describing the incident as Trayvon stating that the man was following him. She instructed him to run, but Trayvon refused.  Very shortly thereafter, the girlfriend heard Zimmerman over the line, questioning the young man about what he was doing there and Trayvon inquiring why the man was following him.

The rest of the story is very blurry as the girlfriend describes what sounded like Trayvon being pushed, the call going dead and later, Trayvon was pronounced dead, gone forever, never to speak to his girlfriend or family again.  Sanford authorities have neglected to charge Zimmerman with any crime as they have accepted his explanation of self defense, yet, Zimmerman had no right to approach the young man in the first place.  More tidbits of information are slowly being leaked as to the actions of the authorities after the shooting.  The young man was categorized as a "John Doe" with the authorities saying they had no way of identifying his family, even though the family had filed a missing person's report shortly after his disappearance and the fact that his cell phone was on him which would give clues to his identity.

The thought of a young black male laying in the coroner's office, categorized as a "John Doe" while his parents had already filed a missing person's report, as well as the fact that the victim's cell phone was clearly on him at the incident are mind boggling.  The way in which the Sanford Police authorities have handled the case and tried to brush it under the rug is criminal.

It was not until the parents of Martin hired an attorney to bring this case to the light of American consciousness that the system has been forced to reopen the case for a grand jury investigation.  News outlets, blogs, Twitter and Facebook have been bombarded with articles, photos and updates on the evidence of the case.  The family set up an online petition on Change.org that has garnered over 850,000 signatures urging authorities to charge Zimmerman with the unlawful murder of Trayvon Martin.

Ever since hearing about this tragic story I cannot wake up in the morning without thinking about Trayvon Martin and his tragic death.  Yet another black male killed at the hands of a racist white man and I am just tired.  Someone recently mentioned why do black folks get mad when a white man kills a black man and dont get outraged at the black on black crime that occurs in our neighborhoods everyday.  Well, I am appalled by both occurrences, everyday, however, the difference is that the black men that kill other black men go to jail everyday, yet on the contrary, it seems as though the white men who kill black people seem to go free in this country.  Now that, I do have a problem with.

It is time for us to stand up for our children and protect them and not let them be victim's to this hateful and unequal justice system.  I am tired of our young black men dying at the hands of a white judge or Police Officer who would like nothing more than to execute them or put them in jail, regardless of their innocence.  When will we as a people fight the system and show them that we hold the power in this country and will NOT ALLOW another young black man to die at the hands of a racist white man.

I hate to make things about race, but the facts are the facts.  The fact is that Trayvon was not a suspicious character, but a young man who had a future.  Racial profiling in this country will never stop, but there needs to be standards put in place to protect the innocent American citizens from unlawful searches and seizures or suspicions, just because they are black or brown.  It angers me when I hear people say there is nothing to fight for in this country.  That we should just take what they give us because we dont have any real power.  I'm glad our ancestors didnt think like that because we'd probably still be unable to vote and exercise our civil liberties if they used that type of mentality and reasoning.  The 850K + are exercising their rights, their power and their voice.

The day we do not have to fight for freedom will never come.  Freedom is not free.  It is a civil right, but must be regulated and monitored by all, not just the government.  Lets stop waiting for tragedies like this to understand where the real fight is and keep our priorities focused on every front, whether it be the legal system, education, health care, or housing.

Although Trayvon Martin was killed for no reason, his death does not have to be in vein.  I pray that the grand jury finds this man guilty of murder and he becomes a strong message, to the world and to the racist white men or racist men/women of any race, that you will not get away with killing one of ours.

SIGN THE PETITION
http://www.change.org/petitions/prosecute-the-killer-of-our-son-17-year-old-trayvon-martin

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Feel free to express your opinions on the case, findings, the Sanford Florida Police Department, District Attorney, etc.

Hip Hop Power Couples I Love

In the past, I have highlighted Power Couples I Love featuring none other than Michelle and Barack Obama, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Seal & Heidi Klum, David and Victoria Beckham and more.  Now, I would like to shed light on the Hip Hop Power Couples I Love.  Its no secret that Hip Hop has pushed its way into the forefront of marketing, entertainment, fashion and media.  Hip Hop is now a multi-billion dollar industry and many of the artists responsible for pushing the envelope and developing it into what it is today are getting older, settling down and having children, and its a beautiful thing.

Take for instance, T.I. and Tiny Harris, one of my favorite Hip Hop Power Couples.  Not only does T.I. have platinum selling artists like B.O.B. on his Grand Hustle music imprint, but he is also finally getting his clothing line, AKOO, off the ground and into major outlets around the country.  Tiny has shown her boss mentality via shows like "Tiny and Toya", one of the highest rated reality TV shows in BET's history, her burgeoning girl group, the OMG Girls, as well as, her nail bar and upcoming ventures.  I have to give props to this couple because in light of police arrests, jail stints and tons of negative PR, they still find time to run their businesses, raise their children and keep things spicy in their relationship, as is evident on their hit reality show T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle.

Next on my list is Jim Jones and his beautiful, yet gangsta fiancé, Chrissy Lampkin.  These two, like T.I. and Tiny, have been together for several years, but have yet to produce any offspring, until now (she's pregnant).  Jim Jones has been working to pick up the pieces of his now defunct rap group, Dipset, has created a clothing line called Vampire Life and is now the star of the hit reality show on VH1, Love & Hip Hop, alongside his partner in crime, Chrissy.  Chrissy is always there to support her man and will literally slap-a-bitch if they come too close or try to disrespect.  While I don't value the violent and aggressive nature in which these two handle personal relations, I do admire their admiration, loyalty and love for one another.  I wish these two luck on their upcoming nuptials and child.

And last, but not least, the third couple on my Hip Hop Power Couples I Love List is Antonia "Toya" Wright and Memphitz.  Toya is Lil' Wayne's ex-wife and is the mother of his first child, Reginae.  But don't think she has let the divorce from Lil' Wayne and his multiple baby mamas slow her down.  To add to her growing resume and NY Times Best Seller, "Priceless Inspirations", she has opened her Garb boutique located in her hometown of New Orleans. Toya is also the star of a couple hit reality shows, including Tiny & Toya and Toya: A Family Affair, which I absolutely love and have featured on BornTooBlog in the past (see Toya Carters' A Family Affair).  Toya is now married to music mogul Mickey "Memphitz" Wright who is the former host of BET's show "The Deal" and is now the Senior Vice President of A&R at Jive Records. Memphitz is known for signing T-Pain to the label and is now mentoring and developing new Hip Hop artists like Key Swag 3000 who has appeared on 106 and Park's Top 10 Countdown.  I love how this couple shuns the outside drama and continues to focus on their marriage and family, as a unit. I'm excited to see what both of them have in store for the future.
 

I wish the best of luck to these couples in love and their future endeavors and hope and pray that 1/3 of them do not end up on my Hollywood Divorce post in a few months like the last edition. LOL

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you look to these Hip Hop Power Couples as inspiration in your love life?
Is there anything that these couples have done publicly that you would never do?
Would you agree to put your relationship on blast on reality TV, if it meant free publicity for your business endeavors?
What do you think will be the secret to their success and longevity? What advice would you give them?

Hollywood Divorce

BornTooBlog has never really been about celeb gossip, but I can't help but piggy back on all of the divorces that are going down lately.  It seems like almost everyone is breaking up and getting divorced.  Without delving too deep in anyone's business, I wonder just what has caused these celebrity relationships to hit the brink.

For instance, we all know Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries lasted all of 72 days; no big surprise there.  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are also going through a rough split after being married for 7 years.  Then you have Seal and Heidi Klum, whom were featured as one of the Power Couples I Love on BornTooBlog in the entertainment industry last year (http://borntooblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/power-couples-i-love.html), who now have a very rough road ahead of them in the divvying up of their assets and agreeing upon custody parameters.

British actor and comedian, Russell Brand and American pop star Katy Perry also decided to call it quits last month and are now working through a very public divorce.  And dare I say, Hollywood royalty Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, whom are heavily rumored to be splitting, were also featured on the Power Couples I Love post in 2011.

At this rate, will there be any Hollywood couples that will grow old together? Sure you still have seasoned actors like Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffin still hanging in there, but I am very concerned with how quick divorces are occurring, even with the couples that have been together for over a decade.  Its no secret that hollywood marriages don't seem to last too long.  My concern is that just like Hollywood influences American society to do everything else, could the Hollywood Divorce be a new trend in the lives of every day people?

I've been witness to several marriages this year and last year, of several of my peers and Lord knows its a beautiful thing, but what is it that we can pinpoint that is making these Hollywood couples divorce at an alarming rate? I really don't know the answer, but I just had to put it out there in the hopes of getting some feedback.  Do you think you know what the underlying cause is for all of these Hollywood Divorces?  Share your thoughts!

WEIGH IN
Have you ever been married?
Would you consider getting married anytime soon?
Do you believe in divorce?
What is the key to staying together?
What is one thing that you think all of these couples might be missing?

Below are pictures of the then couples that are now going through a Hollywood Divorce, in happier times:

Are Children From A Previous Girlfriend/Boyfriend Deal Breakers In A Relationship???

I haven't posted a relationship blog in awhile and I recently encountered a situation with a girlfriend that made me want to speak on this occurrence.  My close girlfriend was telling me about her and her boyfriend's issues with each other and they seemed to all stem from his son from a previous relationship.  I have had my experience with a man who had children and trust me, it was not easy.  However, the love I had for their father made me want to hold on and make things work, despite blatant disrespect from his kids and the lack of support from him at times.  I always wondered if our relationship went to the next level with marriage and children of our own, would he have the same excitement and exuberance when our child was born.  Another issue for me personally was the lack of time and commitment that I received, due to the priority of the child.  No one wants to be all dressed up and ready to go out and the father can't go because his son is sick.

Many women, along with my close girlfriend, have warned me not to get with a man with a child.  Baby Mama drama is rampant in our era because men and women fail to get to know each other before they conceive a child.  But what if the child's mother gets along with the father and the child, itself, is really the issue?  I can recall my mother having a boyfriend while her and my father were legally separated for an extended amount of time and as a child, I definitely gave him a hard time.  A child will always want to see their parents together so you as the "new girlfriend or boyfriend" becomes his/her worse enemy. 

It is perfectly understandable that a woman/man would want their first child to be with their significant other in order to experience child birth for the first time TOGETHER!  However, you will be hard pressed in this day and age to find a young African American man that does not have a seed or a woman with no children.  Are these women/men who refuse to date a man/woman with kids significantly limiting their pool of eligible catches?  Is it realistic to think that you will find your soul mate while ruling out men or women with children altogether?  Can a man's child or a woman's child get on your nerves that much that you would want to end the relationship?   

I would love to hear from singles that have experienced dating the opposite sex whom has kids or even couples who are navigating through this journey as we speak:

Would you ever do it again?
Was the child too much to handle to not be your own?
Did you ever consider breaking up with the person because you could not handle the issues that came with their child?

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS....

Jay-Z and Beyoncé Welcome Daughter Blue Ivy Carter To The World Amongst Rumors and Drama

Jay-Z and Beyoncé released the following statement to the world today regarding the birth of their daughter, Blue Ivy Carter:

"Hello Hello Baby Blue!


We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012.


Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful, we are in heaven.
...
She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs and it was the best experience of both of our lives.

We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support.

- Beyoncé & JAY Z"

BornTooBlog would like to extend a heartfelt congratulations to the Carters on their new edition to Hip Hop/Pop royalty and the Carter family.  There has been so many speculations on whether the baby was actually going to be delivered by Bey, whether she was in fact pregnant, and when the actual birth would take place.  Even further, drama ensued while Jay & Bey rented out the entire floor of a New York hospital and left many parents angry while they restricted access to their children in the ICU unit of the hospital, trying to keep them secluded.  Amongst rumors that Bey had the baby almost a month ago, the baby is officially here and I cannot wait to see pics of her, which I'm sure won't be released for awhile since the Carters are very private.

Jay-z also released a track today called "Glory" with a top celebrity feature, none other than Baby Blue Ivy.  Check out the track of Jay and his first daughter, Blue Ivy Carter below:

What do you think of the track? Are you happy for the Carters on their new edition to the family?  What advice would you parents give the Carters in raising their new baby Blue Ivy?

White Celebs, Black Babies, Pt. 2

I previously posted a blog about White Celebrities Adopting Black Babies in March of this year.  I featured A-list celebrities that had biological children, as well as adopted children from other races, specifically, of African or African American descent.  Madonna, Angelina Jolie and Steven Spielberg are a few that graced the list.  Fast forward to the end of the year and there are new white celebs with black babies.

Mariska Hargitay, best known for her role on NBC's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit is one of the most recent white celebs to adopt black babies.  She has a biological child that she birthed in 2006 and also adopted a baby girl in April of this year, as well as a baby boy in October.  Check out the pics of her beautiful new family below:

Next on the growing list of white celebs to adopt black babies is FX's American Horror Story star, Connie Britton (which is my favorite show on TV by the way).  Connie is best known for her roles on Friday Night Lights and Spin City and is most recently known for adopting a baby boy from Ethiopia in November of this year.  Below are pics of her and her son Eyob "Yoby" Britton:

JUST PRECIOUS!!!!

As I said in the previous post White Celebs, Black Babies, I am not in a position to judge whether these adoptions are just a fad or ploy for publicity and attention.  My main concern is that another African or African American orphan now has a home and a loving family to provide and care for them.  Many people criticize actresses like Connie and Mariska for adopting children from other races, but I applaud them for being brave enough to adopt outside of their racial comfort zones by giving a needy child a loving home that they truly deserve and at the end of the day, that's all that matters!!!!

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Are you personally against individuals adopting babies of a different racial/ethnic background than their own?

Do you think these celebs are adopting African children to help their image?

Would you ever consider adopting a child?

Would you ever adopt a child of another race/color/nationality than your own?

T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle, Episode 3: America's Sweetheart

I usually don't do write ups on reality shows or even TV shows for that matter, but T.I. and Tiny's: The Family Hustle is quickly becoming my favorite reality show on TV.  The 3rd episode entitled "America's Sweetheart" shows T.I. contemplating performing with Taylor Swift on her tour stop in Atlanta at Phillips Arena.  T.I.'s dilemma lies in whether to perform with Taylor Swift and how his career will be effected, as he put it, either he would gain exposure based on "street cred" or his "Hollywood" status.  Again, I am proud of T.I.'s decision to choose his future in Hollywood over his "street cred".  T.I. has learned many lessons since his two jail stints and is clearly not concerned with reinforcing his tough guy role, and he would be correct in that assertion.

While Tiny is busy managing and producing for her daughter's girl group, The OMG Girls, T.I. is shown hustling hard, taking meetings and conjuring up business deals that could produce more cash for his family.  And as the show has already shown, T.I.'s life and business does not come without the reoccurring theme of family vs. business obligations.  While handling business, T.I. wonders if he will be able to support his step-daughter (Tiny's first born from a previous relationship) at her local performance in Atlanta before she heads out on the road for a tour.

In true T.I. fashion, he handles all of his business meetings and obligations and miraculously makes it in time to the performance to big her up while on stage.  A very endearing and comical moment happened when T.I. is shown at lunch with his children.  King, his first child with Tiny, apparently thinks he is white because of the fair color of his skin.  T.I. sincerely explains to him that he is a "black man" and always will be.  King, surprised at this new revelation as to his racial background wastes no time in asking, "Even though I am black, can I have a white girl?".  T.I. can't help but laugh as he affirms that he can have any woman he wants once he grows up.  This playful exchange between a father and his son warms my heart and tickles me on the inside all at the same time.

I honestly think that this show will do wonders to help rebuild his career and image, although it is pretty obvious that he is hotter now than before he left.  I am excited to witness his and his family's journey, equipped with bumps, potholes, laughter, disappointments and eventually, growth.

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Have you been following T.I. & Tiny's The Family Hustle on Vh1?
What did you think about Episode 3?
Share your thoughts....

T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle

Last night T.I. and Tiny debuted their new reality show on VH1, showcasing the tender side of T.I., prominently shown as the family man, husband and rap mogul, all after being released from his 2nd prison stint in a matter of years.  Although T.I.'s journey home out of federal custody was a difficult one (they made him stay an extra month for attempting to leave in a tricked out tour bus), it was beautiful to see him readjust to freedom and reclaim his household after finally being released.

T.I. and Tiny are quite possibly the cutest couple ever, not because of their physical features, but the way they care for each other.  T.I. is always shown showering his wife Tiny with diamonds, shoes and bags, while Tiny is portrayed as the loving mother and dedicated wife, struggling to keep her family together.

T.I. is met with another snafu along the road when he is forced to choose between a rehearsal for the BET Awards and his son's football game.  I love the maturity he shows when he puts everything on the back burner just to show his son the support he needs at his football game.  T.I. is trying to show the world what matters most to him, as he put it, "God, Family, then Hustle....in that order" as he struggles to stay on the straight and narrow and out of correctional facilities.

The love, admiration and teamwork is what makes The Family Hustle so fun and interesting to watch.  Although they have a whopping 6 kids (combined), the two never lose their zest and zeal for each other, always making room for quality time no matter how demanding their schedules are. 

What I love most about the show is that it shows his humane side as a father, husband, rapper and business man.  Juggling all of these acts can be challenging, but as T.I. draws from his friend Jay-z in quoting, "Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes a week", that's just how it goes down in the Harris household.  Equipped with lots of laughter and sincerity, T.I. and Tiny's The Family Hustle is definitely a show to watch.

Below are pics of T.I. and his beautiful family.

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Did you catch T.I. & Tiny's The Family Hustle?
Do you think it was a positive portrayal of a black family in the south?
How do you think T.I. is managing his responsibilities?
Are you a fan of T.I.'s?
Do you think he deserves another chance from his fans and the public?

Video Spotlight: Don Trip feat. Cee-Lo "A Letter To My Son"

I recently heard this song on the radio and was taken aback by the honesty and realness of the lyrics.  This song is my first introduction to Don Trip, a street poet from Memphis, Tennessee, who's mission is to be the voice of the people in these difficult social and economic times.  Don Trip enlisted the voice of one of my favs, soulful Cee-Lo Green.  Cee-Lo is known for bringing deep emotions out of songs and elevating them to a platform that speaks of the struggle in a way that is not only socially conscious, but also pleasing to one's ears.

The song entitled A Letter To My Son displays a father speaking to his only son, expressing the difficulties of raising the son, when all his mother wants to do is use him as a bargaining tool due to their failed relationship.  I spoke about this occurrence when I initially started my blog in the post Where's Daddy?  Too often, young fathers find themselves struggling to build relationships with their children due to the mother being difficult, caddy, messy and down right selfish.  I never understood why a mother would want to keep her children from their father.  Most children in urban neighborhoods barely get a chance to see their fathers, let alone see them at all.  Naturally, when I see mothers keeping their children away from their fathers who want to be in their lives, it makes me angry and confused.

There are so many fathers out there that are going through this, which is why I wanted to highlight this song to give a voice to the proud fathers who will have to wait until their children get older in to explain their misunderstood absence.  Mothers might think they have all the power, but ultimately, once the children realize what's going on, they will now be subject to the inquiries and judgement of their children.  Who really is winning in this situation anyway?

I appreciate Don Trip for bringing this occurrence to the forefront, in the hopes that some mothers will recognize the error in their ways and finally put the child first.  As I said in my previous post on this subject, if the father is violent or a detriment to the child, by all means, restrict his access to his children.  However, I will never justify keeping a man from his children due to their lack of funds or even further, a failed relationship between the child's parents.  It is no excuse and these women need to stop it immediately before they ruin their relationship with their children altogether.

Take a listen to the song and check out the video:

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What do you think about the song and video?
Did Cee-Lo make a nice addition to the song?
Do you relate to the issue Don Trip is addressing in this video?
Have you experienced a jealous/hurtful/selfish baby mother who won't let you see your children?
How does this song make you feel as a father in this situation?

My 31 Years On This Earth...

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned that money isn't everything; that love conquers all and true friends are hard to come by.
I've learned that success comes from hard work, focus and fortitude.  The ability to go the distance and do what you love and are good at.
I've learned that if you put God and your family first, you can't lose.
I've learned that actions speak louder than words and your word is your bond.
I've learned to tune out the naysayers.
I've learned to exclude negative people, thoughts and decisions from my life.
I've learned that true passion comes with a purpose!

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned to love myself more than I love anyone or anything.
I've learned that fear and self-doubt are the enemy to my progression and the antagonist to my goals.
I've learned to have an open heart, eyes, ears, and mind.
I've learned to laugh at myself and not take things too seriously.
I've learned to plan for the future, but live in the NOW!
I've learned that whatever you do in this life comes back to you, good or bad.
I've learned to keep fighting, even when I feel like giving up.
I've learned to forgive.

During My 31 Years On This Earth...

I've learned to trust the power of the universe and to seek beauty through any and everything.
I've learned that everything isn't black and white.
I've learned to stand on my convictions and speak my truth, no matter who disagrees.
I've learned to be me to the fullest extent, but to balance my personality traits around others.
I've learned that traveling to other places can expand your horizons and lift your spirit and teach you things you can't learn in a classroom or a book.
I've learned that treating people the way you want to be treated is indeed...THE GOLDEN RULE!!!
I've learned that at the end of the day, no one is stopping you, but YOU!

I have so much more to learn and am thankful for the opportunity to do so.  I pray that my words reach at least one person in a positive/progressive manner and that I leave a mark on this world, before it all is said and done.

Maya Nichelle
BornTooBlog

P.S. I've learned that I was BORN TO BLOG........Thanks for reading!

Toya Carter's A Family Affair

I watched the ever so highly regarded BET Network as Toya Carter's (Lil Wayne's ex-wife) version of Keyshia Cole's reality show projected on the tube.  What I saw was a far cry from the commonly seen strictly negative stereotypical ghetto portrayal of the trials and tribulations of another struggling and broken black family.  Toya's show mirrors that of Keyshia Cole's formerly successful show "Just Like You" where she featured the struggles of her family members that involved alcohol and drug abuse, abandonment, and financial hardships.  Like Keyshia Cole's mother Frankie, Toya's mother Anita has also been a drug addict for many years and has several children that she has neglected throughout the course of her disease.  The big difference is that all of Anita's children are all by the same father, the man whom intially introduced her to crack.  The family was originally living in New Orleans, but were encouraged by Toya to move to Atlanta so that they could all be together.

When I say I didn't see the stereotypical portrayal of a ghetto black family struggling through life's hardships, I didn't mean that the show does not portray extremely hood moments.  For instance, the show displays Toya's two youngest brothers fighting and one later ends up being hauled off in a police car.  Also, when Toya's youngest brother Rudy confronts his father in a disrespectful and aggressive tone it leaves Toya in tears in the wake of the aftermath. 

All families fight and all families have resentments and grudges to bear.  However, what I did witness was a young woman fighting ever so valliantly for the betterment of her family.  Not only has Toya written a book about her experiences throughout her life, but she is actively persuing an acting career and is opening up a boutique in her old stomping grounds in New Orleans.  I also saw a big brother, working to gain his brothers' respect, along with their ear, as he seeks to guide them through life's ups and downs and show them the right way to handle things.  Seeing this family trying to better itself and seek resolution despite their past is so admirable.

People always seem to bash reality series like this and judge BET for producing them, but what they fail to realize is that reality shows like this are touching millions of families across the nation that have either been through the same thing or are going through it now.  Reality shows like Toya's "A Family Affair" can shed light on the real struggles of real families behind the facade of entertainment and the glitz and the glamour.  Behind her pretty face and connection to rap superstar Lil' Wayne, Toya is a mother, a sister, and a daughter, doing her best to bring her family together in love and in progress.  If that is not positive I dont know what is. 

So before you judge these shows before you even see them and write them off as a stereotypical portrayal of black people in a negative light, try watching the show in a positive mindframe and maybe you will see the positive attributes that it can provide to those who need it most.  You never know, it just might motivate you to do something better with your life, to reunite your broken family, or to be a source of positive influence for your family members who need it most.  Becanse after all, Family Comes First!