Why Do Men Have Kids By Women They Don't Like?

Men having children by women they can't stand is no new occurrence or phenomenon.  Sure there are plenty of parents that were in love when they conceived their children, and later, due to unforeseen circumstances, fell out of love.  But what about the men who were never in love with the mothers of their children, yet consistently had unprotected sex with these women, knowing they would not get along in a parenting situation, or even worse, that they would be unfit mothers?  Who is holding these men responsible for planting seeds in women that they knew beyond the shadow of a doubt would make things hard when it came to seeing their child or would use the child as bait to get the things they want from the man?

I will give some the benefit of the doubt in saying that maybe the woman flipped once she found out she was pregnant or that the man didn't want to be with her, but many men knew the temperament and personality of the women they were having unprotected sex with and instead of "pulling out" or even better, wearing a condom, they chose to go all in.  Scratch that, how about choosing not to deal with women whom you have nothing in common with other than sex so things like this don't happen at all?  Does something happen when a man is inside a woman that doesn't allow him to restrain himself from ejaculating in her?  Does the woman's vagina have some sort of timed vice grip that holds the man inside her until he fertilizes her egg? Somebody help me out here.

It may seem like I'm being silly or funny, but I'm dead serious!!!  Why do men continuously impregnate women that they can't stand and have no possibility of having a future with outside of child support cases and birthday parties?  It seems to me if said men took a little time to think past their penis, they would be smarter when dealing with women where signs of negativity are already present.  A child is a lifetime responsibility and I'm sure many men regret that one fatal time where they let the vagina get the best of them.  Men want to be seen as so strong and macho, yet can't fight off a woman that means them no earthly good.  What's the point of having muscles and endurance if you can't fight off a lifetime of heartache and regret?

I think men need to think twice when having sex with ANY WOMAN that they deem is not mother or wifey material.  That way, they can lessen the chances of impregnating a woman that will literally suck the life out of them throughout the duration of their co-parenting of the child.

Evelyn Lozada Breaks Her Silence on Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix My Life"

Oprah has faced some hardships since she shut down the Oprah Winfrey Talk Show and started her own network called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) on cable TV, but she is slowly starting to build up steam for the relatively new network with exclusive interviews with the likes of Rihanna, Usher, Jennifer Hudson and more.  Her new show featuring life coach guru Iyanla Vanzant has also made major waves featuring the exclusive interview with Evelyn Lozada, Basketball Wives Miami reality star and estranged wife of Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson via Vanzant's show on OWN called "Fix My Life".

The irony of it all is that Lozada initially agreed to appear on the show to "fix her life" prior to her domestic violence incident with her husband, in an effort to shun her bad girl image that she not only gets paid to portray on Basketball Wives, but has garnered a book deal and hefty appearance fees for the reality star.  After receiving backlash from the public and well known celebrities like Star Jones, Lozada finally realized that she did not want to be seen as the angry Latina woman that had originally created her stardom and celebrity, citing that her "ah ha" moment was when her step daughters mocked and idolized her violent actions on Basketball Wives.  Lozada was determined to turn a corner and show the true her, get past her fears, pain and regret, and move forward to a healthier and more peaceful life.

In the first episode of the show, Iyanla delved deep into Evelyn's childhood and got to the core of her pain, rage and anger that often is seen played out on TV for all to see.  Iyanla wanted to help her find her inner child that was still hurting from being rejected by her father.  Iyanla was surprised to see that her husband, Chad Johnson, was not present for the interview although he had committed to being there.  This was a red flag for Iyanla and she quickly proclaimed that in regards to her marriage, that Lozada was, "in trouble".  With Vanzant somehow foreseeing the future, she later heard the news with the rest of the world that Evelyn and Chad had been involved in a domestic dispute which allegedly involved Evelyn being headbutted by Chad, requiring Evelyn to get stitches in her forehead.

After the alleged headbutting incident, Evelyn has since filed for divorce and says she has not spoken to Chad.  The second part of the segment was recorded after the incident and Iyanla had somewhat of a "I told you so" vibe, while letting Evelyn once again, dig deep into her inner self to determine how she got to this point.  I was so proud of Evelyn for her courage to want to change and her honesty throughout the process.  Evelyn showed her vulnerability as she constantly shed tears while consistently confronting her past, present and future.

Seeing Lozada in this light really changed my views on her and I have never seen her look more beautiful and endearing.  Lozada and Vanzant ultimately determined that her anger and rage stemmed from her abandonment as a child by her father and her dealings with men (promiscuity, low self esteem and teenage pregnancy) were also bi-products of this still open wound.  Vanzant urged Lozada to discover who she truly was without the high profile marriage, hit reality show and closet full of Louboutins and the exchange was incredibly moving and inspiring.

I wish Evelyn Lozada the best on her journey to set an example for young girls, as the truly strong and beautiful woman that she is and hope that she finds her true calling, as she acknowledged that, "its not to act a fool on TV".  To say that this show made me look into myself for similar answers to the ills that plague me would be an understatement.  The show is definitely something I'll watch in the future as I believe I can learn and grow from the courageous stories of others.

Here is some video footage of the exchange between Lozada and Vanzant on "Fix My Life":

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Did you watch the two part segment of Lozada on Iyanla Vanzant's "Fix My Life"?
Do you now have a different perception of Evelyn Lozada, the "bad girl" on Basketball Wives?
Do you have "daddy issues" stemming from abandonment as a child?
Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse?
Does her courage and honesty inspire you to tackle some heavy issues in your own life?

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Therapy

Well, Mona Scott-Young has brought us the juiciest reality show known to man and it is quickly becoming America's favorite guilty pleasure viewing choice.  Last night's episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was outrageous, touching, intriguing and a *side eye* factor all at the same damn time.  We saw Mimi and Stevie J attempt to bring some sanity to their interactions by speaking to a clinical psychologist.  Although he is the therapist from the infamous Maury Povich daytime talk show, he quickly got to the core of Mimi and Stevie's issues and helped them open up about their pasts.  Knowing now that Stevie J was abandoned by his mother at birth sheds a lot of light as to his faulty dealings with the women in his life and Mimi's Mommy issues also lend to her need to keep Stevie J around.  I'm proud to see Vh1 showing the importance of therapy in this positive light and how it can help heal open wounds.  More couples should be as brave and courageous as Stevie and Mimi...kudos to them.

Scrappy was up to his old shady ways trying to plan and plot a strategy to get off child support.  I understand many young males of color don't like the system/government in their "business", but why is there a need to pay for expensive lawyers if you're planning on paying the child support anyway?  Sounds kind of backwards to me, but I hope him and Erica figure it out.  Although Side Chick Buckey (from Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love dating show) is conniving and ratchet, she has a little bit of sense and may be able to help guide Scrappy to the right course of action.

Joseline aka The Side Chick is quickly claiming her personal power and slowly cutting the strong ties that Stevie J bonds her with.  Sleazy, I mean, Stevie J is quick to always remind her that he will exile her from the music industry and send her packing all her thongs, back to the strip club, but his threats are starting to wear thin on the poor child.  I'm not sure how the season will end between Joseline and her "man-ager", but Lord knows something needs to change.

Benzino and Karlie Redd are just too much and I am really trying to figure out if this is a publicity stunt on both sides to improve their images.  Visions of Benzino figuratively running through The Source magazine offices smacking ass and going under skirts comes to mind (this is not fact), but he now is showing his soft and human side while around Karlie as he spoils her and lavishes her with gifts and attention.  I really can't be mad at the brother though; He's very charming and convincing.

At times I think that Mimi, Stevie, Joseline, Karlie and K. Michelle, who is such a talented artist, are all just great actors, but then I realize that Love & Hip Hop is so ratchet, ignorant, hilarious, addicting and ridiculous that I think to myself, you just can't write stuff like this. 

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Who is your favorite character on LHHATL and why?
Do you feel bad for Mimi?
Does Karlie Redd seem sincere?
Who do you dislike the most on the show?

I Love My Mister Wrong

It seems that every other R&B or Hip Hop song on the radio is about a woman who can't let the man that treats her wrong go.  If its not Mary J. Blige's song "Mr. Wrong" or Jeezy's hit song "Leave You Alone", its another declaration that somehow, women are not strong enough to let go of a BAD THING because the love is so GOOD.  Where did us women get things so misconstrued along the way that we become gluttons for punishment and began to believe that because he makes us feel good in the bedroom, or can possibly deliver emotional feelings for the moment, that he deserves our time or effort?  Why do we as women overlook good men that don't necessarily fit the persona of the man that we think we want and need, that can actually treat us right and do good by us? Instead, we stick around with the players, pimps, or simply, the "emotionally unavailable" men. WHY?

Its not like these types of men show up out of nowhere and don't reveal their true selves from the beginning.  Their aura and persona shines just as brightly as their pearly whites and bulging muscles, and quite often, bulging pockets.  Us as women know what these men are about via our initial attraction to them.  The attraction is electric and cosmic.  The cocky glance and stare get us every time and all of a sudden, splash, our panties are wet with excitement.  Sadly, too often we get the short end of the stick and I'm not talking about their penis size, because usually, that's all they have to offer in the love department.  There is never a real chance at commitment or vulnerability, just a bravado that dares us to leave them, and if we do, they're on to the next leaving us torn and tattered in the aftermath.

Lyrics from Mary J. Blige's "Mr. Wrong":

Bad boys aint no good

Good boys aint no fun

Lord knows that I should

Run off with the right one

 

[Chorus]

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)

Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr Mister Wrong

 

Even if I try, no, I never could

Give him up cause his loves like that

Aint no way that I'm moving on

I love my Mr Wrong

How many times must we go through the same thing before we truly realize what is important in love and relationships?  When will we consider loving Mr. Right instead of Mr. Wrong?  When will we love ourselves enough to stop the pattern of self sabotage and self defeat regarding matters of the heart and start fresh with a focused and clear head?  All I know is I can't stand to listen to another woman sing about setting herself up for pain and regret, because she can't see past his huge and tantalizing package, as illusive as it may be.

I'm waiting for the day when the way a man makes us feel physically will always match up with our emotional wants and needs and until that day, we will never truly find true fulfillment in love.  I have been guilty of the aforementioned myself at times, which is why I say "we" and "us".  Its now time for the curse to be broken and for us to break the shackles of the love spell, which we will soon begin to realize, was never really love at all.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you know a woman that always falls in love with Mr. Wrong? Are you one of them?
What about Mr. Wrong attracts you and keeps you coming back for more?
Do you wish you could leave him, but simply don't feel strong enough?
Do you believe you deserve a good man aka Mr. Right?

I would love for the men to chime in as well:
Are you Mr. Right and you constantly get overlooked by women for Mr. Wrong?
Do you find that women say they want a good man, but really chase the bad boys?
As Mr. Right, have you ever contemplated playing the bad guy role to make a chick interested in you?
Do you think good guys ultimately finish last when it comes to love and relationships?

Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta

Well, Vh1 has done it again!!! They've come up with another reality guilty pleasure that will surely keep everyone buzzing throughout the summer.  With the recent season finale of Basketball Wives, we have a new set of ratchet wives (I mean girlfriends and side chicks) to laugh at and shake our heads to in Love & Hip Hop's new installment in ATL.  Mona Scott-Young has outdone herself with this cast of ATLiens that are working, loving and fighting their way through the cut throat Atlanta entertainment scene.

The cast has newcomers like Karlie Redd and K. Michelle, that some of you might've heard of and original players like Steve J, "a three-time Grammy Award-Winning producer who has worked with artists such as Diddy, Jay-Z and Mariah Carey, and his longtime girlfriend and mother of his child, Mimi Faust, whom we are just meeting.  Mimi claims her and Stevie have been together for over 15 years, yet, I'm wondering when he had time to be with her because the last time I checked, he and rapper Eve had a longtime love affair.  Things start off with a world wind between these two and I can't help but think how much more juicy its going to get throughout the season (Did you see the highlights?!?!??! Wow!).

There are other familiar faces via ATL born rapper Lil' Scrappy that has worked with the likes of Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz, among many others throughout Atlanta and the mother of his child, Erica Dixon, whom accepted him back after rapper Princess recently broke his heart.  These two seem to be patching things up and are on the road to recovery, while Scrappy's crazy and overprotective mother, whom used to pimp and sell drugs (sigh), has to keep her nose in the business and make sure her son is being well taken care of.  This mother-son-girlfriend dynamic is very reminiscent of Jim Jones' and Chrissy's love triangle with Mama Jones.

Up and coming female rapper Rasheeda and her manager husband, Kirk Frost, seem to have their work cut out for them as they embark on introducing Rasheeda to the world via her new album.  The season opener would not be complete without the fiery Latina rapper, Joseline, whom like Somaya Reese of the 1st edition of Love & Hip Hop, is hungry for her spot in the rap game and will do almost anything to achieve her dreams, which includes, possibly stealing Stevie J away from Mimi.

I already know what you all are thinking: Mimi is a fool, Stevie J is a misogynistic a-hole, Scrappy and Erica are the ride-or-dies who just might make it work, Karlie Redd is messy and K. Michelle is too emotional.  We didn't see much of Rasheeda and her husband Kirk, but I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about in the upcoming episodes.  All in all, this soap opera, drama style of reality TV is just like a train wreck, you can't stand the gruesome and grimy scene, yet you can't take your eyes off it and I'm sure Mona Scott-Young likes it that way.

Check out the cast, photos and clips from the new hit reality show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta here on Vh1:
http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop_atlanta/series.jhtml

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
What do you think about Episode 1 of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta?
Who are your favorite cast members?
Do you think Joseline can make it big?
Will you be watching the entire season?
Who did you like the least?

T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle, Episode 3: America's Sweetheart

I usually don't do write ups on reality shows or even TV shows for that matter, but T.I. and Tiny's: The Family Hustle is quickly becoming my favorite reality show on TV.  The 3rd episode entitled "America's Sweetheart" shows T.I. contemplating performing with Taylor Swift on her tour stop in Atlanta at Phillips Arena.  T.I.'s dilemma lies in whether to perform with Taylor Swift and how his career will be effected, as he put it, either he would gain exposure based on "street cred" or his "Hollywood" status.  Again, I am proud of T.I.'s decision to choose his future in Hollywood over his "street cred".  T.I. has learned many lessons since his two jail stints and is clearly not concerned with reinforcing his tough guy role, and he would be correct in that assertion.

While Tiny is busy managing and producing for her daughter's girl group, The OMG Girls, T.I. is shown hustling hard, taking meetings and conjuring up business deals that could produce more cash for his family.  And as the show has already shown, T.I.'s life and business does not come without the reoccurring theme of family vs. business obligations.  While handling business, T.I. wonders if he will be able to support his step-daughter (Tiny's first born from a previous relationship) at her local performance in Atlanta before she heads out on the road for a tour.

In true T.I. fashion, he handles all of his business meetings and obligations and miraculously makes it in time to the performance to big her up while on stage.  A very endearing and comical moment happened when T.I. is shown at lunch with his children.  King, his first child with Tiny, apparently thinks he is white because of the fair color of his skin.  T.I. sincerely explains to him that he is a "black man" and always will be.  King, surprised at this new revelation as to his racial background wastes no time in asking, "Even though I am black, can I have a white girl?".  T.I. can't help but laugh as he affirms that he can have any woman he wants once he grows up.  This playful exchange between a father and his son warms my heart and tickles me on the inside all at the same time.

I honestly think that this show will do wonders to help rebuild his career and image, although it is pretty obvious that he is hotter now than before he left.  I am excited to witness his and his family's journey, equipped with bumps, potholes, laughter, disappointments and eventually, growth.

WEIGH IN
Have you been following T.I. & Tiny's The Family Hustle on Vh1?
What did you think about Episode 3?
Share your thoughts....

T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle

Last night T.I. and Tiny debuted their new reality show on VH1, showcasing the tender side of T.I., prominently shown as the family man, husband and rap mogul, all after being released from his 2nd prison stint in a matter of years.  Although T.I.'s journey home out of federal custody was a difficult one (they made him stay an extra month for attempting to leave in a tricked out tour bus), it was beautiful to see him readjust to freedom and reclaim his household after finally being released.

T.I. and Tiny are quite possibly the cutest couple ever, not because of their physical features, but the way they care for each other.  T.I. is always shown showering his wife Tiny with diamonds, shoes and bags, while Tiny is portrayed as the loving mother and dedicated wife, struggling to keep her family together.

T.I. is met with another snafu along the road when he is forced to choose between a rehearsal for the BET Awards and his son's football game.  I love the maturity he shows when he puts everything on the back burner just to show his son the support he needs at his football game.  T.I. is trying to show the world what matters most to him, as he put it, "God, Family, then Hustle....in that order" as he struggles to stay on the straight and narrow and out of correctional facilities.

The love, admiration and teamwork is what makes The Family Hustle so fun and interesting to watch.  Although they have a whopping 6 kids (combined), the two never lose their zest and zeal for each other, always making room for quality time no matter how demanding their schedules are. 

What I love most about the show is that it shows his humane side as a father, husband, rapper and business man.  Juggling all of these acts can be challenging, but as T.I. draws from his friend Jay-z in quoting, "Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes a week", that's just how it goes down in the Harris household.  Equipped with lots of laughter and sincerity, T.I. and Tiny's The Family Hustle is definitely a show to watch.

Below are pics of T.I. and his beautiful family.

WEIGH IN
Did you catch T.I. & Tiny's The Family Hustle?
Do you think it was a positive portrayal of a black family in the south?
How do you think T.I. is managing his responsibilities?
Are you a fan of T.I.'s?
Do you think he deserves another chance from his fans and the public?

My 31 Years On This Earth...

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned that money isn't everything; that love conquers all and true friends are hard to come by.
I've learned that success comes from hard work, focus and fortitude.  The ability to go the distance and do what you love and are good at.
I've learned that if you put God and your family first, you can't lose.
I've learned that actions speak louder than words and your word is your bond.
I've learned to tune out the naysayers.
I've learned to exclude negative people, thoughts and decisions from my life.
I've learned that true passion comes with a purpose!

During My 31 Years On This Earth....

I've learned to love myself more than I love anyone or anything.
I've learned that fear and self-doubt are the enemy to my progression and the antagonist to my goals.
I've learned to have an open heart, eyes, ears, and mind.
I've learned to laugh at myself and not take things too seriously.
I've learned to plan for the future, but live in the NOW!
I've learned that whatever you do in this life comes back to you, good or bad.
I've learned to keep fighting, even when I feel like giving up.
I've learned to forgive.

During My 31 Years On This Earth...

I've learned to trust the power of the universe and to seek beauty through any and everything.
I've learned that everything isn't black and white.
I've learned to stand on my convictions and speak my truth, no matter who disagrees.
I've learned to be me to the fullest extent, but to balance my personality traits around others.
I've learned that traveling to other places can expand your horizons and lift your spirit and teach you things you can't learn in a classroom or a book.
I've learned that treating people the way you want to be treated is indeed...THE GOLDEN RULE!!!
I've learned that at the end of the day, no one is stopping you, but YOU!

I have so much more to learn and am thankful for the opportunity to do so.  I pray that my words reach at least one person in a positive/progressive manner and that I leave a mark on this world, before it all is said and done.

Maya Nichelle
BornTooBlog

P.S. I've learned that I was BORN TO BLOG........Thanks for reading!

Ok, I Take It Back: Revisit to Post: "Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships?"

I previously wrote a post entitled "Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships???"  I got lots of feedback on and offline, but it was mostly from the fellas who felt that I wasn't seeing the issue from their perspective.  Well, here I am two months later, contemplating and rethinking a lot of the things I wrote in the post.  In the post I questioned the validity of some men's excuse for not wanting a relationship due to their lack of discretionary funds aka because they're broke!  By no means was I downplaying men who are struggling in this current negative financial climate, nor was it my intention to put anyone down or "male-bash" as some would call it.  I was simply questioning if this common excuse that women hear was really the case, and not what I believed to be a cop out.

After weeks of thinking about this post, speaking to people and experiencing things on my own I am now ready to admit that I see what the fellas were saying.  NO! Money is not everything, but it does afford a certain comfort and lifestyle that is elusive without it.  What really helped me see the light was understanding what role money plays in a relationship, outside of special occasions like birthdays and holidays.  I thought to myself, "Since money can't buy love, what can it actually buy?"  While pondering this I realized that money, or the lack thereof, could be a deal breaker in a relationship.  Case in point.  Money affords men to take us on dates, vacations, etc.  We all know that romance is what keeps relationships that have been going for awhile fresh and exciting.

Spending quality time outside of the home with the one you love can bring another level of intimacy that cannot be gained from cuddling on the couch watching movies.  The spark you both get when you look into each other's eyes over dinner, or hold each other's hands in the movies can do wonders for the sex life, and as I said earlier, keep things fresh and new.  I also realized, sitting at home with nothing to do due to a lack of funds can cause tension and staleness in a relationship.  Getting out together, enjoying each other's company in public, etc. can do wonders for a relationship that was once sizzling, but now seems to be fizzing out.

So for the first time in BornTooBlog history, I will say that I take back what I said and now understand the other side to my previous post, Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships???.  I'm sure many men will be happy to witness this turn of events.  I will never declare that my views cannot be challenged nor that I can not be persuaded to the other side of the fence.  One of the main reasons I created this blog was for everyone to be able to share their ideas and insight on a variety of topics that they felt passionate about.  I am learning new things everyday and today, I am happy to say I learned this!

WEIGH IN
Do you think my change of heart was warranted?
Did you agree or disagree with my previous post?
How much do you think money affects relationships?
Has a women broke up with you because a lack of funds?

Just How Much Does Money Affect Relationships???

I keep hearing women tell me that one of the main reasons the man that they love can't/won't be with them exclusively is because they are broke and cannot "afford" a relationship.  I know the entire country has fallen on hard times and money is tight, but along with our jobs and unemployment, has the relationship rate gone down as well?  Lack of jobs and cash flow has many of us rebuilding, re-strategizing and preparing for the future that is full of uncertainty, but I was always a firm believer that even if you had no job, money or even a pot to piss in, that love could always be present.

Now don't get me wrong, I am well aware that we live in a very materialistic society full of real and wannabe ballers, always flossin' or stuntin' on the next man and competition is definitely thick.  But when did money come before love?  I remember the old song  by Gwen Guthrie Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent where she so clearly explained that there was "No Romance Without Finance", but I know there are still down to earth women out in there that are looking for true love, not a paycheck.

At the end of the day, money does make life easier, but nothing can ever replace love.  So why do men always give the same old excuse that they can't be fully involved with a woman because they're broke?  Lines like "I want to give you everything and it hurts my ego that I can't" or "I can't afford to be with someone of your caliber" cause me to shake my head and roll my eyes *sigh*  REALLY?

Am I missing something or is this just a crock of ca ca like I think it is?  Are men so egotistical and full of pride that they think all they can provide is what is inside their wallets?  Do they really think all women care about is money?  In this day and age, women are making their own money, buying their own cars and houses and supporting themselves.  Granted, no one wants a broke man, but real women are and have always been willing to work with a brotha and help him get on his feet as long as he has potential, drive, ambition and the ability to follow-through.  This is what us ladies like to call an investment, and we for sure will reap the benefits in the long run.

I would love to here from the fellas and the ladies on this topic:

Would you break up with your man if he lost his job and could no longer support you?
Have you ever had to support the man you love once he fell on hard times?
Did your girlfriend dump you the day she found out you lost your job?
Are men being genuine when they say they can't date a woman because of their financial situation?

I would love to hear your feedback! WEIGH IN!